The Annotated Guide to Gilmore girls

>_TEASER_<

INT. STARS HOLLOW: LORELAI'S HOUSE, LORELAI'S BEDROOM - DAY

Lorelai is pacing and looking out the window. She sees a car pull up in the drive way.

LORELAI
Ooh!

INT. STARS HOLLOW: LORELAI'S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - DAY

Lorelai runs down stairs to the front door shouting.

LORELAI
The redcoats are coming! The redcoats are coming!

Gigi jumps up from the couch.

GIGI
The redcoats are coming!

CHRISTOPHER
Whoa, whoa. Hold on there, missy. Got to put on your jacket first, okay?

They all run outside.

EXT. STARS HOLLOW: LORELAI'S HOUSE, FRONT YARD - DAY

Rory gets out of her car

LORELAI
Hi!

RORY
Hi!

LORELAI
I'm so mad at you!

RORY
What kind of greeting is that?

LORELAI
What kind of daughter doesn't let her mother pick her up at the airport?

RORY
The kind who parks her car at the airport car park.

LORELAI
But I'm the kind of mother who picks her daughter up from the airport, you know with flowers and coffee and a fake chauffeur's sign. Why would you mess with my sense of self?

RORY
My car was parked at the airport car park.

LORELAI
So what, I could have driven to the airport, picked you up, brought you back. Then we both could have driven to pick up your car and come here.

RORY
Yeah 'cause that wouldn't be a waste of gas or anything.

Lorelai pulls one of Rory's bags out of the trunk.

LORELAI
Oh, god. Did you pack Big Ben? I still think it was kind of risky.

RORY
What's risky?

LORELAI
Well you've spent a lot of time across the pond. You might get confused and forget which side of the road to drive on.

RORY
Yeah it was a near escape.

CHRISTOPHER
Hey! Welcome home!

GIGI
The redcoat is here!

RORY
Hi, dad!

CHRISTOPHER
How are you doing?

RORY
Good. 

They kiss.

RORY
(to Gigi)
Hi, little sister. Oh, hello. Okay. Oh. 

Gigi is holding on to her leg.

RORY
Oh. Well, all right.

Laughs.

CHRISTOPHER
(to Rory)
So, you made it here okay?

RORY
Yeah.

CHRISTOPHER
I was thinking -- all that time in England, you might forget which side of the road to drive on.

LORELAI
Hey, don't steal my material.

CHRISTOPHER
What do you mean, your material?

LORELAI
I just made that joke.

CHRISTOPHER
They driving on the other side of the road thing, that's my joke. If you just made it, you ripped me off.

LORELAI
I ripped you off?

RORY
Guys.

LORELAI
That's like saying Lenny Bruce rips off carrot top or Woody Allen gets his material from what's his name -- the guy with the watermelons.

CHRISTOPHER
I did not rip you off -- no way, no how, sister. I made that joke this morning at breakfast. When we were sitting there. We were drinking coffee.

RORY
Guys, not that that's not a hilarious joke, but the guy at the car park made the same one. Hey, Gigi, Would you want to take this inside for me? 

Rory hands her a small bag.

GIGI
Okay.

CHRISTOPHER
Come on, Gigi.

Christopher carries Rory's bags inside.

RORY
Ohh!

LORELAI
What?

RORY
You took the Christmas lights down.

LORELAI
I didn't take them down. I haven't put them up yet. I saved Christmas for you.

RORY
You...

LORELAI
Before you left we said we were gonna wait and do Christmas together.

RORY
Okay, yeah, but...

Lorelai notices the earrings Rory is wearing.

LORELAI
What are those?

RORY
What are what?

LORELAI
Are those a Christmas present from Logan?

RORY
No, I mean -- well, yeah, but it's more like a late birthday/new year's present. What stop sniffing me.

LORELAI
I smell Christmas cookies.

RORY
Well there's no way you can smell cookies from six days ago.

LORELAI
So there were Christmas cookies.

RORY
There may have been a little Christmas.

LORELAI
Unbelievable!

RORY
London, as a city, is very Christmas-obsessed. Okay I couldn't help what was going on around me. But inside, I assure you, I was devoid of the Christmas spirit -- a complete scrooge.

LORELAI
I didn't let any Christmas happen. I grinched it up so hard, I didn't even let it snow.

RORY
What it hasn't snowed yet?

LORELAI
Thanks to me thinking of you and our agreement, our pledge, out oath.

RORY
You stopped the snow?

LORELAI
Yes sheer force of will. We said we would have no Christmas, so I had no Christmas.

RORY
You must have had a little Christmas.

LORELAI
None.

RORY
What no presents?

LORELAI
No presents.

RORY
No tree?

LORELAI
No tree.

RORY
No eggnog?

LORELAI
No egg, no nog. I sat in the dark with the lights off and ate gruel.

RORY
Okay, mom.

LORELAI
Rory.

RORY
I hereby apologize for any accidental Christmas celebrating I may have done. I'm now ready to celebrate Christmas for real.

LORELAI
Yeah?

RORY
Yeah.

LORELAI
Okay!

Laughter.

RORY
So, you stopped the snow?

LORELAI
Yeah. I did an anti-snow dance. It was humiliating and arguaus, but I had made a promise to my daughter.

RORY
Humiliating?

LORELAI
Two words -- coconut bra.

>_END OF TEASER_<

===

INT. STARS HOLLOW: LORELAI'S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - DAY

Chris, Rory, Gigi and Lorelai enter. Christopher is carrying a Christamas tree.

CHRISTOPHER
Where am I taking this?

LORELAI
Living room.

RORY
I love our trees!

GIGI
Me too!

CHRISTOPHER
You don't think our trees are...

LORELAI
What?

CHRISTOPHER
Maybe a little homely?

LORELAI
Homely?!

CHRISTOPHER
I'm just saying.

RORY
What!

LORELAI
What are you saying?

CHRISTOPHER
That our trees are not classically good-looking. I mean if you were to look up "tree" in the dictionary, you would not find one of these fellows.

LORELAI
Why would you look up "tree" in the dictionary?

RORY
So we don't have classically good-looking trees.

LORELAI
You don't know what a tree is.

RORY
Come on look at that tree.

CHRISTOPHER
I'm looking.

RORY
That tree has character.

LORELAI
It does.

RORY
That tree has earned character by persevering through freezing winters and forest fires and floods.

LORELAI
This tree's a fighter.

RORY
Woodpeckers, I mean maniacal woodpeckers just pecking at its trunk.

LORELAI
Survivor.

RORY
Peck, peck, peck, day in and day out.

LORELAI
That tree's a champion.

RORY
It smells so good in here with all our trees.

LORELAI
It's like a dozen car air fresheners.

RORY
Just imagine how good it's gonna be once all our trees are here.

CHRISTOPHER
This is crazy!

LORELAI
Seven trees.

CHRISTOPHER
Which was crazy.

LORELAI
What? Buck a tree.

RORY
Dad, we have to have at least one tree in the kitchen.

GIGI
Yeah, dad.

CHRISTOPHER
I'm in a forest of crazy.

Christopher walks out.

RORY
Hm-hmm.

LORELAI
Buck a tree.

RORY
Genius.

LORELAI
So genius we better be careful, or word will get out and everyone will start celebrating Christmas after Christmas, which will really drive up the post-Christmas Christmas-tree prices.

RORY
Then we'll have to keep celebrating later and later.

LORELAI
Yeah before we know it, we'll be having Figgy pudding in July.

Lorelai holds up a Christmas tree decoration.

LORELAI
Look! Gigi! You know who made this? Rory. Rory made this when she was right about your age.

GIGI
That's nice.

RORY
Someone's not impressed.

LORELAI
Well she doesn't understand abstract art.

RORY
Philistine.

LORELAI
Hey, look at this. Here's Santa's costume. Wow. That's seen better days.

GIGI
Why do you have Santa's clothes?

LORELAI
Because... I... used to do Santa's dry cleaning.

GIGI
You did?

LORELAI
Yeah.

GIGI
Wow.

LORELAI
I know.

Christopher comes in and walks into the kitchen.

CHRISTOPHER
Okay, everybody can relax. There's now a Christmas tree in the kitchen.

LORELAI
Thank you.

RORY
Oh! My antlers! I love my antlers!

GIGI
Oh, neat! Let me try!

Gigi takes the antlers.

RORY
Wow, okay.

Gigi running off to the kitchen.

GIGI
On vixen! On blisters!...

RORY
(to Lorelai)
Kid took my antlers, she took my antlers and galloped away.

LORELAI
Alright now tell me more about London. Did everything work out with Logan after the whole Marty/Lucy/dinner debacle?

RORY
Well I was pretty angry for a while, especially after he blurted out all that stuff the way he did, but he apologized a lot and even admitted that he was a little jealous, so I forgave him.

LORELAI
Well, that's good.

RORY
Yeah well, plus I realized a lot of it was my fault. I was Lucy's friend. I should have been straight with her about knowing Marty. I just can't believe I got suckered into that whole thing I mean for so long. I don't blame her for hating me.

LORELAI
Have you talked to her now?

RORY
I've left messages.

LORELAI
Oh, hon.

Christopher enters room.

CHRISTOPHER
Wow! Look at all this!

LORELAI
Yeah, we have a lot of Christmas stuff.

CHRISTOPHER
Cool. Mistletoe.

LORELAI
Where are you going?

CHRISTOPHER
I'm gonna hang it up in the doorway.

RORY
Oh, that's not where it goes.

CHRISTOPHER
Where does it go?

RORY
We tape it up to one of the blades of the ceiling fan upstairs. That way, the kissing is more like a sport.

LORELAI
One of our traditions.

CHRISTOPHER
That's a tradition?

RORY
Our traditions are very important to us.

CHRISTOPHER
What other traditions am I in for?

RORY
On Christmas morning, we put red and green M&M's in our cereal.

CHRISTOPHER
Down with that.

RORY
We string up our stockings on the banister.

LORELAI
Yes we used to string them up in the traditional traditionally place of the fireplace, but there was that fire incident, and they nearly burned to bits. So now we put them on little nails on the banister.

RORY
Oh, we always go to Weston's for a cup of holiday candy-cane coffee, which is so delicious.

LORELAI
Delicious. And we bake cookies.

CHRISTOPHER
You bake?

RORY
Well we put on Christmas music, drink eggnog, and pretend to bake the cookies we actually bought from Weston's.

LORELAI
We do, however, make our own frosting. We use a handheld electric mixer from the dark ages so that Rory can continue the tradition of licking the beaters.

RORY
Yes, a skill which I have perfected over the years.

LORELAI
And then on Christmas eve, we leave the cookies out for Santa's reindeer.

RORY
Santa prefers gum.

CHRISTOPHER
Well I am very excited about these traditions, but you know because it's our first Christmas together as a family, I thought maybe it was time to start some new traditions.

LORELAI
Like what?

CHRISTOPHER
Well, for starters... I got us these. 

He holds up new stockings.

LORELAI
Wow.

RORY
Oh, they're so big and flashy.

CHRISTOPHER
Ha, I got one for each of us.

LORELAI
But we have stockings already.

Rory holds up the old stockings.

RORY
I mean they're a little singed from the fire, but they're still usable.

CHRISTOPHER
But not stockings like these. Ha.

RORY
That's true.

CHRISTOPHER
Alright this will be a new tradition. I'm gonna hang them up. You know what else we should do? We should go caroling.

LORELAI
No.

RORY
Are you kidding?

CHRISTOPHER
It'll be fun.

LORELAI
Well It wouldn't be fun for strangers to hear us sing.

RORY
It'd be cruel that's what it would be.

LORELAI
And embarrassing.

CHRISTOPHER
Guys, carols are beautiful.
(sings badly)
Gl-o-o-o-o-o- o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oria in excelsis deo

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: DRAGONFLY INN, LOBBY - DAY

Michel is on the phone as Luke enters.

MICHEL
(into phone)
Yes, sir. Thank you.

He hangs up and sees Luke.

MICHEL
(to Luke)
Oh. You. I thought we were done with you.

LUKE
Hi, Michel. Is Lorelai here?

MICHEL
(into phone)
Hey. Can you tell Lorelai that... someone is here to see her? 

He hangs up, silence for a few second.

MICHEL
Well, this is awfully awkward. We should make some sort of conversation. I see your sense of style has not changed.

LUKE
Nope.

MICHEL
I've often wondered, does someone in your family own a flannel company?

LUKE
Uh, no.

MICHEL
Oh. You know what? I cannot do this. Let us just stand here and let the awkwardness wash over us.

LUKE
Fine by me.

After a few seconds of silence before Lorelai enters.

LORELAI
Hi.

MICHEL
(to Luke)
Ahh, here she is. It's been a delight chatting with you.

Michel off.

LUKE
(to Lorelai)
I'm sorry to just barge in like this.

LORELAI
That's okay.

LUKE
Can we talk somewhere?

LORELAI
Um, sure.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: DRAGONFLY INN, LIBRARY - DAY

Luke and Lorelai sitting on the same couch, face to face.

LUKE
Anna wants to move to New Mexico with April.

LORELAI
New Mexico?

LUKE
Anna's mother had major surgery, and she's not doing so well. And Anna wants to be near her, which I get. It's just I'd like to see April on some weekends and vacations.

LORELAI
Of course.

LUKE
But Anna says no. In fact, right now, she's not letting me see April at all, so I have to fight for custody, and I'm going to court.

LORELAI
Wow.

LUKE
Yeah, it's the whole thing. I got to get a lawyer and wear a tie. It's not fun.

LORELAI
It's good you're doing it, though.

LUKE
Well, I can't not. You know I can't not do it.

LORELAI
Right.

LUKE
So, anyway, um, the court date is coming up. And I need a character reference. And Liz wrote one, but my lawyer read it, and he said it was sweet, but it was filled with all these weird childhood anecdotes that I probably don't want to share with anyone, much less a court of law. And I need another one, and I just don't know who to go to. And I know it's an awful lot to ask. And if it's weird or whatever...

LORELAI
Yes.

Luke continues talking like he didn't hear Lorelai.

LUKE
I mean, I totally understand.

LORELAI
Yes.

LUKE
But if you could, uh...

LORELAI
Yes, I'll do it.

LUKE
Yeah? Okay. All right, well, this is my lawyer's address, and you can just mail the letter directly to him.

LORELAI
Okay.

LUKE
Yeah, and, look, if you don't mind, if you could do it as soon as possible... the court date's right around the corner.

LORELAI
Definitely.

LUKE
Thanks. Thank you.

LORELAI
You're welcome.

LUKE
Yeah. Um, okay, well... I'll just... thanks.

LORELAI
Sure. I'll get right on it.

LUKE
I send it to here. Okay. 

They shake hands, Lorelai looks a little weird about it.

LUKE
All right. Thanks. Okay.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: DRAGONFLY INN, LIBRARY - DAY

Later, Lorelai is on the couch and is trying to write the letter, with a note pad and pen but can't, she leaves.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: DRAGONFLY INN, KITCHEN - DAY

Sookie is on the phone.

SOOKIE
(into phone)
No, that should do it. Thanks.

Sookie hangs up. Lorelai walks in and pours herself some coffee.

LORELAI
Ugh!

SOOKIE
It's hard, huh?

LORELAI
Yeah, the pressure is a lot, you know?

SOOKIE
Yeah, of course.

LORELAI
I mean I just keep thinking that whatever I write might help save Luke's relationship with his kid, which is huge and important, so the pressure's really getting to me -- that and a lack of sufficient caffeine.

SOOKIE
Of course. Totally. I mean plus I mean, it's Luke, and after all you've been through, it's got to be hard.

LORELAI
Well, yeah.

SOOKIE
You're having to dig up all those feelings for him. That can't be fun. You must be feeling overwhelmed.

LORELAI
I really don't think it's about digging up my feelings for Luke.

SOOKIE
Okay.

LORELAI
I think it's really about writing an amazing letter. I mean the stakes are really high for him, and I want it to be something amazing and powerful, like Gettysburg address powerful or "I have a dream" powerful. So, I'm thinking I'll look a couple of those up online and just pop the name "Luke" in there and be I'll done with it.

SOOKIE
Sure. I don't think anyone will notice.

LORELAI
All right, back to work.

SOOKIE
Good luck.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: DRAGONFLY INN, LIBRARY - DAY

Lorelai enters with her coffee and gets to writing again but can't get started. 

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: DRAGONFLY INN, LIBRARY - DAY

Lorelai returnsto the couch with strawberries, she eats one, tries writing again. 

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: DRAGONFLY INN, LIBRARY - DAY

Lorelai tries to juggle some strawberries.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: DRAGONFLY INN, LIBRARY - DAY

Lorelai rips out a sheet from the pad and screws it up.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: DRAGONFLY INN, LIBRARY - DAY

Lorelai plays the “bendy pen” trick with the pen before throwing it away.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: LUKE'S, DINER - DAY

A very pregnant Lane is serving customers.

WOMAN CUSTOMER
Is it twins? It's got to be twins.

LANE
Is what twins?

MAN CUSTOMER
Are you...

LANE
Pregnant? You think I'm pregnant? Oh Yeah, it's not acceptable in this society to be a plus-sized woman who happens to carry her weight in her belly.

WOMAN CUSTOMER
So you're not -- oh, gee. Well, I need new glasses. I'm sorry.

LANE
Of course I'm pregnant. Turkey with Swiss. 

She puts plates down hard. Moves on to other customers.

LANE
(to customer)
Hey! Hey! What's up with this tip?

2ND WOMAN CUSTOMER
Oh, I'm... sorry.

LANE
This is 50%. I don't need your pity tips. Okay I'm pregnant, not homeless.

Lane walks off. April enters.

LUKE
April!

Luke hugs April

LUKE
Hey Wow. What are you doing?

APRIL
Well I biked over because... 

April sees Lane.

APRIL
Oh, my gosh. Lane is gigantic.

LUKE
Yeah well I wouldn't mention that to Lane.

APRIL
Hey did you know the gestation period for an elephant is 22 months?

LUKE
Yeah will I wouldn't mention that to Lane, either. So what are you doing here, does your mother know you're here?

APRIL
She doesn't have a clue. See I told her I was gonna spend the whole day at the Boston museum of science with my friend Melissa and her dad. And it's perfect because mom confirmed things with Melissa's dad two days ago. But then yesterday, I told Melissa's dad that I couldn't come because I had gotten the curse.

LUKE
The...

APRIL
Which is perfect, 'cause you know how awkward men get about menstruation.

LUKE
yeah ah look so it's really great to see you, but this isn't gonna work.

APRIL
But there's no way mom will ever figure it out. I even read all about cotton-topped Tamarin monkeys and the Van De Graaff generator, so I'll have plenty to tell her when I get back.

LUKE
Yeah I'm gonna have to take you home.

APRIL
No!

LUKE
I'm sorry.

APRIL
Dad, no. Please, no. I've missed you so much.

LUKE
Yeah well I missed you, too.

APRIL
I haven't seen you in ages and ages. Plus, if you take me home now, mom will know that I lied, and I'll get into so much trouble. Please?

LUKE
I don't know. I...

APRIL
Here. This is for you. Merry belated Christmas.

She hands him a badly wrapper present.

APRIL
Sorry it looks like this. I couldn't exactly wrap it in wrapping paper without arousing maternal suspicions, if you know what I mean.

LUKE
Thanks. I actually got you something, too.

APRIL
You did?

LUKE
Yeah. 

A small pause as the look at each other.

LUKE
So, are you hungry or what?

APRIL
Tuna-fish sandwiches?

LUKE
That's what I was thinking, too. Come on. Let's go upstairs.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: LORELAI'S HOUSE, KITCHEN - DAY

Lorelai, Rory and Gigi are sitting at the table, Gigi wearing Rory's antlers, they are all dressed in Christmas design clothes. They are making cranberry and popcorn garlands.

LORELAI
(to Gigi)
Be very careful with your needle.

GIGI
I know.

LORELAI
Okay because it's really, really pointy.

GIGI
I know.

RORY
Okay so, what guidelines did he give you?

LORELAI
None. No guidelines, no guidelines whatsoever. I'm supposed to write a character reference, so I thought I'd reference his character.

RORY
Sounds like you're on the right track.

LORELAI
No, I'm not because it turns out I can't write.

RORY
Oh, sure, you can.

LORELAI
No, I can't. I stare at the blank page, and I keep staring and staring. And eventually I have to get up and lubricate my eyeballs. Otherwise, they would fall out of my head, like raisins.

Gigi giggles.

RORY
Well, are you using a pen? You can't just stare at the paper. You have to have a writing implement of some kind.

GIGI
Look.

Gigi holds up her garland.

LORELAI
Very pretty, honey.

RORY
Hey what a good job.

LORELAI
You know what I really like? Your cranberry-to-popcorn ratio. Rory's more of a 1-to-1 kinda gal, but I'm like you. I like a lot of cranberry, little popcorn thrown in for flair. 
(to Rory)
Yours is pretty, too.

RORY
Thank you.

LORELAI
I have a writing implement. The problem is that everything I write sounds so schmucky.

RORY
I'm sure that's not true. We're running low on cranberries.

LORELAI
"Luke Danes is a highly regarded member of this community.” Ew. “Not an ill word can be spoken of Mr. Danes." It's like I'm some documentary narrator from the history channel. And you know what phrase I keep using? "Stand-up." "Luke Danes is a stand-up guy. "He's an upstanding member of Stars Hollow, a real stand-up citizen." People are gonna think he's turned into a comedian.

RORY
Sounds like you're over thinking this. Maybe if you just put pen to paper.

LORELAI
I tried that, I thought, "I'll just sit down and write whatever comes -- no judgment, no inner critic." Boy was that a bad idea.

RORY
Really? Why?

LORELAI
Because my brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish. "I'm writing a letter. I can't write a letter. "Why can't I write a letter? I'm wearing a green dress. "I wish I was wearing my blue dress. "My blue dress is at the cleaners. "'The Germans wore gray. You wore blue. ''Casablanca'. "'Casablanca' is such a good movie. "'Casablanca.' The white house. Bush. "Why don't I drive a hybrid car? I should drive a hybrid car. "I should really take my bicycle to work. "Bicycle. Unicycle. Unitard. Hockey puck. Rattlesnake. Monkey, monkey, underpants."

Gigi giggles again.

RORY
"Hockey puck, rattlesnake, monkey, monkey, underpants"?

LORELAI
Exactly, that's what I'm saying. It's a big bag of weird in there. So, I think I need inspiration. You know I need a muse. Perhaps I need "the muse." Maybe it would help if Sharon Stone would appear to me in an alarming caftan and coo inspirational words in my ear.

RORY
Just write what you feel. That's all writing is. Hey do you think there might be some reason why you're having trouble? I mean I would imagine that writing about Luke wouldn't be easy.

LORELAI
I know -- you should write it.

RORY
What? No.

LORELAI
Yes. You are a wonderful writer. Everything you write is so good. Your grocery lists are like shimmering haikus.

RORY
You write a pretty mean grocery list yourself. And it doesn't have to shimmer it just has to be authentic and real. Oh! You know what I'm gonna do?

LORELAI
Write my thing for me.

RORY
No, I'm going to write a letter to Lucy explaining how sorry I am. That way, she doesn't have to see me, and she can just read it and she'll still know.

LORELAI
That's great and after you do that, you can write my letter for me.

RORY
No, this is something you have to write yourself.

GIGI
What letter?

LORELAI
Uh... to Santa.

GIGI
Wow.

LORELAI
You know I bet my problem is? The whole writing-by-hand thing. You know I think what would help is if I got my old electric typewriter out. The soothing sound of that irritating buzzing -- that's what would help me.

CHRISTOPHER (O.S.)
I'm home!

LORELAI
So, cranberries really stay on the string, and popcorn falls right off.

Christopher walks in.

LORELAI
(to Christopher)
Hi, sweetie.

CHRISTOPHER
Hey, everybody.

RORY
Hey, dad.

GIGI
Hi dad.

CHRISTOPHER
Hey.

Chris and Lorelai kiss.

CHRISTOPHER
Wow. Look at those.

GIGI
They're for the trees.

LORELAI
So what do you have in the bag?

CHRISTOPHER
No snooping. This is Santa's secret stuff.

GIGI
Lorelai knows Santa.

CHRISTOPHER
Oh, yeah?

GIGI
She does Santa's dry cleaning.

CHRISTOPHER
Well, Lorelai is a remarkable woman.

Lorelai chuckles.

CUT TO

EXT. STARS HOLLOW: LUKE'S - DAY

Lane exits and waddles down the street. Other people have to walk around her because she is so big.

CUT TO:

EXT. STARS HOLLOW: BAND APARTMENT - DAY

Lane waddles up to the apartment and enters.

INT. STARS HOLLOW: BAND APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM - DAY

Zach and Mrs. Kim are discussing grocery purchases.

ZACH
The yellow squash?

MRS. KIM
Yes, they're a delicacy. We're going to steam them along with the broccoli.

ZACH
Is that adult broccoli? Can you do that with baby squash?

MRS. KIM
Yes, it's very high in oxidants.

Lane walks up to them

ZACH
(to Lane)
Welcome home, babe.

MRS. KIM^
(to Lane)
Welcome home, Lane.

ZACH
So we went to the nature mart, and guess what we got you. Turnip greens - turns out they got a sick amount of folic acid. What else did we get? Squash, zucchini, tofu.

MRS. KIM
Special calcium-fortified tofu.

ZACH
And the calcium's real important because you're not eating some of your previous calcium sources, like soft cheese. You're not eating soft cheese, are you?

LANE
No, no. I'm not having any soft cheese.

ZACH
And no sushi?

MRS. KIM
And no duck. We don't want the babies to have webbed feet.

LANE
So the duck sushi I had for lunch was probably a mistake, huh?

They look shocked.

LANE
I'm kidding, mama. I am beat. Today at work, it was absolutely ridiculous. 

She sits on the couch, Zach joins her.

LANE
Every other customer was baby-crazy -- I'm gonna tell Luke tomorrow I quit...

ZACH
You should put your feet up.

LANE
I'm fine.

ZACH
How are your ankles?

LANE
They're fine.

ZACH
Oh you know what I was reading about? Compression pantyhose. A lot of pregnant women wear them to help with circulation.

MRS. KIM
How's your bladder, are the babies putting pressure on your bladder?

LANE
What I don't know.

ZACH
Well how many times did you urinate today?

LANE
Oh, my god, Zach! I am so not answering that question!

MRS. KIM
Here are some new prenatal vitamins we bought you. I'm going to put them on your bedside table.

LANE
Fine.

MRS. KIM
You have to take two every morning the moment you wake up.

LANE
Fine!

MRS. KIM
Maybe I need to make you a chart.

LANE
I don't need a chart.

MRS. KIM
I happen to know that you forgot to take your calcium tablets for two mornings. That is not right, Lane.

LANE
Mama, you're counting my pills?

MRS. KIM
Yes, of course.

Mrs. Kim leaves. Lane sneaks out a candy bar from the pillow on the couch and opens it.

ZACH
I'm serious about the whole compression-pantyhose thing. I could totally pick you up a pair. I mean do I relish the prospect of being seen skulking around the pantyhose aisle? No. But I'm sure you don't want varicose veins.

LANE
I don't want pantyhose!

ZACH
Oh. Okay.

Lane, hearing her mother come back, hides the candy bar.

MRS. KIM
I have decided I will make a chart. I need a piece of paper, a ruler, and some magic markers.

LANE
I'm serious, mama. I don't need...

Lane stands up.

LANE
What is that?

ZACH
Oh, it's the crib we ordered. Isn't it cool. It'll be big enough for both of them.

LANE
Where are my drums?

ZACH
They're good they're safe. We put them in the closet.

LANE
The closet? You put my drum kit in the closet?

ZACH
Yeah, we needed the space, and, Lane, we haven't had band practice for months.

Lane waddles over and opens the closet.

LANE
We need to have band practice!

ZACH
Sure. And we will.

LANE
Now.

ZACH
Well if you want, we can call Gil and Brian, but I mean can you even play?

LANE
What do you mean, can I play?

ZACH
I mean, in your condition.

LANE
I can play.

ZACH
Okay. Cool.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: WESTON'S BAKERY - DAY

Rory and Lorelai are sitting at a table.

LORELAI
I melted three entire candy canes into this not-very-large cup of coffee, and still I can barely taste it.

RORY
I know.

LORELAI
It's just the vaguest whisper of peppermint.

RORY
Peppermint.

LORELAI
I swear I could get the same effect if I put Vaporub on my chest and drank coffee at the same time.

RORY
Peppermint.

LORELAI
I mean how arbitrary is it to decide to stop serving candy-cane coffee the day after Christmas? Christmas spirit is not something that can be turned off like a faucet on December 26th.

RORY
Yeah, it stinks.

LORELAI
On the plus side, any chest congestion I had is now totally cleared up.

RORY
So that's good.

LORELAI
Well, let's go Christmas-shopping.

RORY
Write your letter.

LORELAI
I can't. I need a treat.

RORY
This was your treat, coming to Weston's was supposed to buck up your spirits and inspire your writing.

LORELAI
No, candy-cane coffee was supposed to be my treat. This coffee is no treat. Let's face it -- this is un-candy-cane-coffee coffee, and it's totally un-bucking up my spirits. So it's decided -- let's go shopping.

RORY
Write.

LORELAI
Rory, I can't. Ooh. I have an idea.
(to waitress)
Excuse me. Hi. Merry Christmas.

SUE
Christmas is over.

LORELAI
Okay. Sue -- pretty name. I have a hunch that there's some of the secret candy-cane-coffee mix just sitting in the back there, and I wonder if I could make it worth your while if you and I could come to some sort of arrangement.

SUE
Like I said before we stop selling candy-cane coffee when Christmas is over.

LORELAI
Right I'm not talking about selling it. I'm talking about maybe if you misplaced a canister or two.

SUE
Misplaced?

LORELAI
Misplaced.

Lorelai winks at her.

SUE
Honey.

LORELAI
Yes?

SUE
Christmas is over.

LORELAI
Okay.

The waitress leaves.

RORY
(to Lorelai)
Are we gonna talk about this?

LORELAI
About what?

RORY
Why are you lying to dad?

LORELAI
I'm not lying.

RORY
He walked into the kitchen earlier, and you started prattling on about popcorn and cranberries.

LORELAI
I wasn't prattling. Come on, let's blow this popsicle stand.

CUT TO:

EXT. STARS HOLLOW: TOWN SQUARE - DAY

They girls are walking down the street.

RORY
But you're not telling him about this character-reference thing are you.

LORELAI
Well I haven't yet.

RORY
And you're not planning to.

LORELAI
Well

RORY
You're intentionally not telling him. That's kind of a lie of omission.

LORELAI
A lie of omission. Isn't that an Ashley Judd/Morgan Freeman movie?

RORY
Look mum if there's anything to be learned from this whole thing with Lucy, it's that honesty is the best policy.

LORELAI
Err, It's an okay policy.

RORY
But how do you expect to have any kind of relationship if you're not honest with him?

LORELAI
Honey look, I have been around a long time, okay? I wore leggings the last time they were trendy. I knew Tom Hanks when he was a Bosom Buddy. I have lived, and I have learned.

RORY
I know.

LORELAI
And I understand that you value honesty, and I applaud that value. But sometimes the truth is a little more complicated.

RORY
More complicated how?

LORELAI
More complicated. Look we don't have to talk about this.

RORY
I know but I want you to tell me what's going on.

LORELAI
Things with dad are great. They're better than great. It's just that...

RORY
What?

LORELAI
He's been a bit on edge about Luke. You know I ran into Luke outside Doose's the other day, and dad saw me holding Liz's baby. And it just wasn't great. It wasn't great timing.

RORY
Wow.

LORELAI
And this whole mom having the not-a-wedding-party thing caused tension, and we argued. So I just want to be sensitive and not worry him about something he doesn't need to worry about.

RORY
Well, that makes sense.

LORELAI
But everything is gonna be fine. Better than fine -- it's gonna be great.

RORY
Okay. Well, you know, mom, I've been around for a while, too. I remember Tom Hanks from his "Joe Versus The Volcano" days.

LORELAI
Yeah, you were like 5.

RORY
Yeah but the point is, I'm not a kid anymore you know. You don't have to create this whole Christmas illusion where everything in the world is magical and fine. It's okay if it's not.

LORELAI
You still believe in Santa, though, right?

RORY
Your best dry-cleaning client? Of course.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: LUKE'S, APARTMENT - DAY

Luke is adjusting the gift April gave him.

APRIL
A little to the right. Okay. Too far. A little to the left, there.

LUKE
How's that?

APRIL
Good. It really livens up your apartment.

LUKE
It's a very lively mask. Thanks again, April. I love it. I really do.

APRIL
It's based on my real face you know.

LUKE
Oh, yeah?

APRIL
Oh I mean not the outside, but the inside. I made it in art class, and I had to lie still with straws up my nose while a partner put plaster strips on my face.

LUKE
Straws up your nose.

APRIL
I suffer for my art. Anyway, this kid Evan, he got Liz Alderman as a partner, who's a total wild child. And she laid the plaster strips all willy-nilly and ended up pulling off half his eyebrows.

LUKE
Oh, that's not good.

APRIL
Actually, Liz Alderman's on my swim team now.

LUKE
Oh yeah.

APRIL
She's got these really huge feet, which coach Bennett finds promising.

LUKE
Like built-in flippers.

APRIL
Exactly, hopefully they kick in -- no pun intended -- before our big swim meet in may.

LUKE
May huh.

APRIL
May 15th. 10 different clubs are sending teams. It's gonna be amazing.

LUKE
You know I hear they have really great swim teams in New Mexico.

APRIL
Yeah, right. New Mexico is a barren, dusty desert, and they probably don't even have water to swim in.

LUKE
You know what in hot climates, they actually have more swimming pools. I bet you a lot of kids there will be really into swimming.

APRIL
Well then they're probably too good for me. I mean the only reason I get to do so many events is 'cause everyone on my team stinks worse than I do.

LUKE
April.

APRIL
It's true.

LUKE
Go on. 

He puts a large present on the table.

LUKE
All right, go ahead and open up your Christmas present.

APRIL
Are you trying to bribe me out of a bad mood with the offer of material goods? 'Cause I'm amenable to that.

Luke smiling and small laugh.

APRIL
(gasps)
Wow! A rock polisher! Thanks so much.

LUKE
You like it?

APRIL
It's the perfect present.

LUKE
Well you hinted at it pretty hard, so I figured it might be the right thing.

APRIL
It is. It is. But, dad, I kind already got a rock polisher from grandma.

LUKE
Oh. Well, then it's not the perfect present.

APRIL
No, it is. It is. This one looks more powerful than the one I already have. Plus, I mean who couldn't use two rock polishers?

LUKE
Yeah?

APRIL
Sure. You should see my rock collection right now. It's insane, I've practically got a quarry in my bedroom -- granite, of course, but also feldspar, quartz, mica, limestone.

LUKE
Cool.

APRIL
I know. I've been biking over to Beacon Falls and going rock-hunting around Naugatuck river. It amazing the other day I found an arrowhead in almost perfect condition. It's so sharp, I think I'd get in trouble if I brought it to school.

LUKE
You know, if you're interested in arrowheads, New Mexico has some incredible places...

APRIL
Dad.

LUKE
Okay. Okay. Let's open this thing.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: LORELAI'S HOUSE, LORELAI'S BEDROOM - DAY

Lorelai is lying on the bed trying to write the letter.

CHRISTOPHER (O.S.)
Hey! I'm done with the lights. Do you want to see them now, or do you want to wait till after dark?

Lorelai quickly hides the note pad.

LORELAI
Uh, I will wait -- to get the full effect.

CHRISTOPHER
What you got there?

Lorelai gets up.

LORELAI
Uh, nothing. Just some of Santa's secret stuff.

CHRISTOPHER
Oh, yeah? What did you get me?

LORELAI
A Maserati.

CHRISTOPHER
Oh that's so sweet of you it's amazing how a Maserati can fit behind the bed like that.

LORELAI
Well I haven't put it together yet, which reminds me -- do you have any masking tape?

CHRISTOPHER
You're gonna assemble the Maserati with masking tape?

LORELAI
Don't ask questions! Just get out of here it's Santa's workshop!

CHRISTOPHER
All right!

Christopher leaves. Lorelai gets the note pad.

LORELAI
Rory! We have to go shopping, get your dad a Maserati! 

She exits the room.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: BAND APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM - DAY

Lane, Zach and Brian are setting up for band practice. Brian can't stop looking at Lane's belly.

LANE
So of course I spun the record for a week straight, because who wouldn't want to listen to Art Brut for a week straight? Oh Pass me your lyrics.

BRIAN
Yeah. Here they are.

LANE
As far as I'm concerned, "Formed a Band" could be the new national anthem. I swear I could literally stand and cover my heart if asked. Brian? Brian? 

Lane hits a cymbal.

ZACH
Whoa! What's going on here, babe? Everything okay? You got to watch the loud noises.

LANE
Loud noises? We're about to play rock music, Zach.

BRIAN
(to Logan)
Oh, check out the mandolin.

ZACH
Yeah, right. She's a beaut, huh?

BRIAN
Yeah cool. So what kind of stuff you been working on?

ZACH
Mostly I've just been messing around. I wrote one song that was kind of White Stripes' "Little Ghost" meets the Decemberists meets Gulag Orkestar meets, like, "Losing my Religion" meets Jethro Burns on that Steve Goodman album meets "Battle of Evermore" meets The Smiths meets... some other stuff.

BRIAN
That's a lot of meeting.

ZACH
Exactly. Whoa. Okay, this is eerie. You see the way I'm holding my mandolin. It's exactly one of the baby holds I've learned. See how I have it in the crook of my arm with its head supported?

BRIAN
That's how you're supposed to hold a baby?

ZACH
One of the ways. Lane, I wish your mom was here. This is so totally "rock-a-bye, baby."

LANE
Fascinating.

BRIAN
So wait there are different ways to officially hold a baby?

ZACH
Yeah, sure -- you got your "hello, world," where you put the baby's back to your stomach and put your hand under here for support.

BRIAN
Hmm.

ZACH
You got your belly hold, where you put the baby's chest down along one of your forearms. This is really great for gassy babies. Then you got your fruit basket, which is...

Knock on door.

LANE
Finally. 

Laughs while she goes and opens the door. Gil walks in with one of his kids.

GIL
Hey, hey, hey! How we doing? Long time no see.

BRIAN
Gil, how's it hangin'?

GIL
It's hangin' great, my friend. So, check it out. This is the youngest of my brood -- Macon. Macon, this is the band.

MACON
What up?

GIL
The sitter flaked, and I got Macon the bacon under my wing.

ZACH
That's cool.

GIL
Sorry for the short notice, but I figured you guys would be a little more understanding being that you're in the family way. Speaking of which... whoa! Check you out, Lane. You are some kind of serious fertility goddess.

LANE
Thanks.

GIL
Zach, nice work, man.

They high-five.

LANE
I thought we should warm up by practicing some of our old songs. Then maybe Zach could show us what he's been doing with the mandolin.

GIL
The mandolin.

Zach plays the mandolin.

GIL
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na right on. Oh, man! You got the Alcmere 3000!

LANE
The what?

GIL
The breast pump. I'm psyched you guys picked this one. It's really gentle. I mean my wife's got sensitive nipples. This one didn't bum her out at all.

Lane is not impressed.

BRIAN
You use that to pump...

GIL
Milk. Sure. That's if you choose to go the breast-feeding route.

LANE
You guys, I'm sure Brian is not interested in this.

BRIAN
Breast-feeding, huh?

GIL
Yeah I mean, some people go with the formula deal, which is cool, too. Actually, for baby number two, we did use formula.

ZACH
Yeah.

GIL
I mean, if you use formula, the old lady can smoke, drink, eat as many tacos as she wants -- no problemo.

ZACH
(to Lane)
You hear that, babe?

LANE
Yeah. Tacos. Thrilling.

CUT TO:

INT. MALL - DAY

Lorelai and Rory are shopping.

RORY
Why can't they make books out of something lighter?

LORELAI
Lighter than paper?

RORY
I'm being punished for being generous.

LORELAI
That's what you get for having so many smart friends. So I think we're doing well.

RORY
Yeah I think we're done. Oh wait Babette do we have something for Babette?

LORELAI
The needlepoint pillow with the sassy saying.

RORY
Oh yeah, you know It's kind of impressive when people curse in needlepoint. There's something laborious about it.

LORELAI
And I got cologne for Michel and the same cologne for my mother.

RORY
Weird.

LORELAI
Well, they'll both hate whatever I give them, so I figured, why spend time picking out doomed gifts? Then I have whatever Williams-Sonoma sold me for Sookie -- a butter slicer, a bread warmer/wine maker.

RORY
Well, I'm sure she'll love her butter slicer.

LORELAI
If that's even what it is. I swear they could attach a stone to a piece of string and call it a poultry pounder, and I'd shell out 35 bucks.

RORY
So I guess all we need is dad.

LORELAI
Yeah I really want to get him something great. We have the sweater.

RORY
And the really heavy book.

LORELAI
But I want to get him something that he'll really love.

RORY
Well, we will. I mean we'll find something. We have a whole mall here full of post-Christmas prices. Well find something.

LORELAI
Guys are tricky, but your dad's really tricky. I mean what does he need? What does he want?

RORY
Hmm, perhaps a poultry pounder.

LORELAI
Plus, he is my husband now. I've never bought something for a husband. I wish they had a special store for husband stuff.

RORY
Hey! 

Rory points to a telescope.

LORELAI
Huh.

RORY
What do you think?

LORELAI
Maybe.

RORY
I think he'd love it. Come on. 

They enter the store.

RORY
Oh, look at this one.

LORELAI
Oh! 

Lorelai looks through the eye piece.

LORELAI
Doesn't work so good inside, though.

RORY
Well.

LORELAI
Solar systems, 50% off!

RORY
Oh that's not just a post-Christmas sale. That's a post-Pluto sale.

LORELAI
Poor Pluto.

RORY
Oh, poor Pluto. 

Rory spots Luke in line with the rock polisher.

RORY
(to Lorelai)
Hey, um, it's Luke.

LORELAI
Hmm? 

Lorelai looks up to see Luke. Luke notices them, too. He nods and she waves.

LORELAI
Hi. I guess we should...

RORY
Yeah.

They walk over.

APRIL
Oh! Hey!

LORELAI
Hey.

LUKE
Hey. Hey, Rory.

RORY
Hey, Luke. Hey, April.

APRIL
Hey. Hey.

LORELAI
Hi. Hi, April.

APRIL
Hi.

LORELAI
So.

LUKE
Yeah April showed up at the diner today out of the blue.

APRIL
You make it sound like Pearl Harbor or something.

LUKE
No, I mean, it was a surprise -- a nice surprise. So, how's it going?

LORELAI
It's -- I'm almost done.

LUKE
Done?

LORELAI
You're not talking about the letter. You're just asking in general.

LUKE
I meant, how's it going?

LORELAI
Good. I'm good. We're good.

APRIL
Hey, so I like your sweaters. They're very festive.

RORY
Thank you. It's Christmas for us.

LORELAI
Rory was in London at the end of December, so we waited to do Christmas together.

LUKE
Of course you did.

CASHIER
(to Luke)
Sir, do you have a return?

LUKE
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

RORY
So, April, how was your Christmas?

APRIL
Well, I'm 60% atheist and 40% agnostic, so Christmas isn't really a big deal for me.

RORY
Oh, really? 60/40, huh?

LORELAI
More of a winter solstice gal?

APRIL
Exactly. 
(to Rory)
You went to London by yourself over Christmas?

RORY
Oh I wasn't exactly by myself. I met my boyfriend there.

APRIL
Oh. Meeting a lover in a foreign city -- how glamorous. I can't wait to be grown up and glamorous and be able to make my own decisions about where I go and when. Being a kid is the pits sometimes.

LORELAI
It sure is.

Luke returns with a shopping bag.

APRIL
(to Luke)
Oh, thanks.

LORELAI
What'd you get?

APRIL
Well, my dad got me the greatest present ever -- a rock-polishing kit -- but I had already gotten it from my grandma, who's very into Christmas. So we exchanged it for this microscope, which is also the greatest present.

LORELAI
Good.

RORY
Wow. That's great.

APRIL
My dad's always been a great gift giver.

LUKE
I guess I don't know if I was always considered good at picking out presents, right, Rory?

RORY
Oh, no, you've always been great.

LUKE
Towels?

APRIL
What towels?

RORY
You meant well.

APRIL
(to Luke)
You gave her towels?

RORY
For my birthday.

LUKE
I had them monogrammed. I thought it was cool.

RORY
Yes you went through quite the monogramming phase.

LUKE
I believe you received monogrammed pencils, a monogrammed mug, a monogrammed backpack, and a monogrammed belt.

RORY
Well no one ever tried to steal that belt. Those were my favorite towels. I still have the washcloth.

APRIL
That's hilarious.

RORY
Hey remember the year you got me the unicorn marionette with the purple horn?

LUKE
You didn't like the unicorn marionette?

RORY
I've never really been that into unicorns.

LUKE
I thought you loved that.

RORY
I know because I was being polite.

APRIL
Being polite can be dangerous.

RORY
Yes, it totally backfired, because for the next five years, I only got unicorn items -- unicorn sweatshirt, unicorn pencil case, bumper sticker -- "I brake for unicorns." No but you were always so nice. You never forgot my birthday. And every holiday, there was a monogrammed unicorn item.

APRIL
Dad for the record I'm not really into unicorns, either.

LUKE
Well, I'm glad to know it. Anyway we should get going. I got to get you home, kiddo.

LORELAI
Well, we have to buy up all the Pluto stuff. It's really gonna be a collector's item.

LUKE
Sure.

APRIL
Bye, you guys.

LORELAI
Bye.

RORY
Have a merry Christmas.

LORELAI
Merry Christmas.

They walk off.

CUT TO:

EXT. STARS HOLLOW: DOOSE'S MARKET - DAY

Lane and Zach exit carrying grocery bags.

ZACH
Honey, let me carry that.

LANE
No, thank you.

ZACH
Lane come on.

LANE
I'm perfectly capable of carrying a bag of groceries.

ZACH
Nutter butters? I put those Nutter butters back on the shelf.

LANE
Well I took them off of the shelf.

ZACH
You know your mom doesn't think you should be eating too many cookies.

LANE
Enough about my mom, okay? I'm so sick of her.

ZACH
Come on she's been pretty great, Lane. She cooks for us, she cleans for us. She's a total fount of baby information.

LANE
Well you know what maybe you should have married my mom, then, okay?

ZACH
Well, I'm sure when your mom was younger... 

Lane looks at Zach.

ZACH
Hey, I'm just saying, she's a handsome woman. What I'm just saying that I bet when she was younger, she used to look a little like you -- shorter hair, no glasses, maybe a bit more crabby maybe.

LANE
Well, I'm sick of her.

ZACH
That's kind of harsh.

They walk along the town square.

EXT. STARS HOLLOW: TOWN SQUARE - DAY

LANE
I am. I'm sick of her. I'm sick of it all. I'm sick of being treated like I'm not a person, like I'm some incubator whose puffy ankles and varicose veins and bathroom habits are up for discussion. On what planet is it appropriate to ask a person how many times a day she urinates?

ZACH
Well you can ask me.

LANE
I don't want to ask you.

ZACH
Six times today so far. I had a lot of coffee.

LANE
I'm sick of being told what to eat and what I shouldn't and what side I should sleep on. I'm a person, Zach. I'm an adult. I don't want to be hiding things under the floorboards and behind cushions again.

ZACH
Yeah that's no good. Plus, we're starting to get ants and mites.

LANE
I don't want everything to change just because we're having these babies.

ZACH
But things are going to change. There's no getting around it. Really, really soon, we're gonna have two babies -- two alive human sons.

LANE
It was such a small window -- a peephole, really. For years, I was this repressed kid, and then there was the briefest of windows. And then -- slam. All of a sudden, I'm this overburdened mother. I barely got to do it, Zach. I barely got the chance to be a person.

ZACH
No, no you can still be a person and you can still be rock 'n' roll. Having babies doesn't mean you can't be rock 'n' roll.

LANE
I don't know.

ZACH
Give me a break, Sonic Youth has a kid, and they're still way cool.

LANE
Yeah.

ZACH
And Mick Jagger -- that cat has like 15 kids, and he still goes out and rocks.

LANE
Yeah, I guess.

ZACH
For sure the man rocks hard, and then he comes home and makes another kid.

LANE
I don't want to make any other kids ever.

ZACH
All I'm saying is, we can still go out and play. I mean that's one of the cool things about having your mother around -- built-in babysitter.

LANE
Yeah. I just don't think I can bear having her around all the time.

ZACH
What about weekends, what if she hung out with us on the weekends and spent the week back at her pad?

LANE
Yeah, I guess that'd be all right.

ZACH
Let me carry that bag for you.

Lane hands him the bag.

CUT TO:

EXT. STARS HOLLOW: LUKE'S - DAY

Luke and April arrive back from the mall. The stand next to April's bike.

LUKE
I had such a good time with you today.

APRIL
I was thinking that Tuesdays after school, I could tell mom that I have chess club. And I really only have chess club once a week, but I could pretend it's twice a week. As soon as school's over, I could bike halfway to stars hollow, and you could meet me. I could hide in the bushes and do prearranged bird calls, like a mourning dove or something -- a "coo-roo coo-roo coo-roo" as a signal.

LUKE
Yeah, I don't think so.

APRIL
Or I don't need to do the bird calls.

LUKE
It wouldn't be right, April. It wouldn't. We can't lie to your mother.

APRIL
But.

LUKE
Your mother and I are not totally seeing eye to eye on certain things, and so we're sort of in negotiations to figure out how to share our parenting responsibilities.

APRIL
Do you have a good lawyer?

LUKE
A good...

APRIL
You better have a good one, 'cause mom hired a shark.

LUKE
We're gonna figure that out. Don't worry about it, okay? But the court case is the reason that it's really important that we do everything honestly and aboveboard.

APRIL
Yeah. I guess that makes sense.

LUKE
Okay. So... what should we do with the microscope?

APRIL
Keep it. I'll use it the next time I'm over -- soon.

LUKE
Okay.

APRIL
You can set it up if you want. Just make sure that you always remove the slide before you rotate the lenses, or you can grind things up. And always carry it with a hand under the base.

LUKE
I'll be very careful.

They hug.

APRIL
Bye.

LUKE
Bye.

April starts to leave on her bike.

LUKE
Don't forget to put your helmet on.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: LORELAI'S HOUSE, LORELAI'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Lorelai is at her old electric typewriter, typing up the letter, she finishes and puts it in an envelope. 

*Music: Bing Crosby "I'll Be Home For Christmas"*

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: LORELAI'S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The room is in full Christmas mode, we can here Chris and the girls in the kitchen, Lorelai comes down the stairs, she listens for a moment and looks happy.

CHRISTOPHER (O.S.)
Look at this -- liquid sugar. It's good for you, this stuff. You think? You like the red or the green? Red? Red the best? I like red, too. Little. Little.

RORY (O.S.)
That's dripping.

CHRISTOPHER (O.S.)
That's dripping, I'm not very good at this.

RORY (O.S.)
You're making a mess, dad.

CHRISTOPHER (O.S.)
I'm not very good with the cookies.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: LORELAI'S HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT

RORY
And what do we say if anyone asks?

GIGI
We made, we made cookies by scratching.

CHRISTOPHER
"From scratch."

GIGI
From scratching.

CHRISTOPHER
Well, let's hope nobody asks.

RORY
Yeah. Hey, Gigi, You want to lick the beater?

GIGI
Yeah.

RORY
Here you go.

Lorelai stands in the kitchen entrance.

LORELAI
Hey.

CHRISTOPHER
Hey. We're making some cookies by scratching.

LORELAI
Ha, that sounds appetizing. I'm gonna run out for a sec. I'll be right back.

RORY
Okay hurry back "Christmas in July" screening in 30 minutes.

CHRISTOPHER
Thought we'd start a new tradition.

LORELAI
Sounds good.

Lorelai leaves.

CHRISTOPHER
Gigi, I think we need some of the colors. Can you put some sprinkles on that one?

RORY
You want to decorate that one?

CUT TO:

EXT. STARS HOLLOW: STREET - NIGHT

Lorelai mails the letter and then notices it is starting to snow.

>_END OF SHOW_<