The Annotated Guide to Gilmore girls

>_TEASER_<

EXT. STARS HOLLOW: SIDEWALK - DAY

Lorelai briskly walks down the street as Luke, also walking quickly, joins her.

LUKE
Hey.

LORELAI
Oh, I left a tip this time. And I didn't put it under the water glass, 'cause I know you hate that, and I made sure it didn't touch the syrup, 'cause that makes it sticky, and I didn't leave the last dollar in pennies just to get rid of them.

LUKE
I know.

LORELAI
So, why are you running down the street yelling at me?

LUKE
I wasn't running. I was walking. I wasn't yelling. I was talking.

LORELAI
Oh, what did you say?

LUKE
"Hey."

LORELAI
Oh, hey.

LUKE
You are a lot of work.

LORELAI
No, you're a lot of work.

LUKE
You heading in there?

He indicates the Mail Boxes Etc store.

LORELAI
Yeah. I need stamps. You heading in there?

LUKE
Yep. I'm getting my divorce.

LORELAI
What?

She stops in her tracks, shocked.

LUKE
Yeah.

LORELAI
You're g-getting a mail-order divorce?

Luke holds up the envelope his carrying.

LUKE
These are the papers we had drawn up before. I just have to sign them.

LORELAI
And you're signing them in there?

LUKE
There's a notary in there.

LORELAI
Luke, that is a Mail Boxes Etc.

LUKE
So?

LORELAI
So, you buy envelopes at a Mail Boxes Etc. You don't get divorced at a Mail Boxes Etc.

LUKE
Why not?

LORELAI
Because, I don't -- it's not dignified.

LUKE
Well, crapping out in a marriage isn't that dignified, either, but I did that.

LORELAI
Luke...

LUKE
Look, I just want to get this over with. It's not a big deal. I just need to sign a piece of paper.

LORELAI
You're ending a marriage.

LUKE
I'm signing a paper --

LORELAI
-- that says you're ending a marriage.

LUKE
Please let me do this.

LORELAI
Why don't you go to a lawyer's office?

LUKE
I hate lawyers.

LORELAI
How about a friend's house?

LUKE
Dougie and Scooter are off at camp.

LORELAI
This is wrong.

LUKE
This is fine. This is practical.

LORELAI
Getting a divorce should not be practical.

LUKE
Look, I only have 20 minutes until I have to be back at work.

LORELAI
A divorce should not be rushed.

LUKE
For someone who's never actually been through a divorce, you sure know a lot about it.

LORELAI
You should take a few minutes to think.

LUKE
I have thought. It's over. I know it's over. And all I have to do is go in there and sign this paper in front of a notary, and then it's officially over. I'm fine. Please, I'm begging you -- let me get divorced.

LORELAI
All right, then. Go ahead.

Luke starts to walk in. Lorelai solemnly looks down at the sidewalk.

LUKE
Thank you.

He starts to move to the door then pauses, again returning to Lorelai who isn't following.

LUKE
I thought you needed stamps.

LORELAI
I can get them later.

LUKE
What are you doing?

LORELAI
I just thought I'd give you some privacy.

LUKE
I'm not taking a shower -- I'm signing a paper.

LORELAI
I can come back later.

LUKE
Will you please get in there and buy your stamps?

LORELAI
Okay, fine.

Lorelai walks in.

LUKE
Lots and lots of work...

Luke follows her into:

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: MAIL BOXES ETC STORE - DAY

Kirk pops up from behind the counter.

KIRK
Welcome to Mail Boxes Etc. How may I help you?

LORELAI
(to Luke)
You go ahead.

LUKE
I need to get something notarized.

KIRK
Terrific. We are happy to help you with all of your mailing and notarizing needs. I will need you to fill out your name and address, and then I will need a thumbprint.

LUKE
I know how it works, Kirk.

KIRK
You have a pen?

LUKE
I have a pen.

KIRK
(to Lorelai)
What can I do for you today?

LORELAI
(gently)
I can wait till he's done.

LUKE
She needs stamps.

LORELAI
I can wait till he's -

LUKE
Just get your stamps.

Lorelai tries to object.

LUKE
Just get your stamps.

LORELAI
But - but, I -

LUKE
Oh, my God, the work.

He shakes his head and continues to fill out the form.

LORELAI
I need stamps.

KIRK
Well, your timing is perfect. The breakfast-food series just came out last week.

Kirk shows a sheet to Lorelai. She gasps with delight.

LORELAI
Look at the dancing toast.

KIRK
Aren't they a kick? And here is our cartoon series.

LORELAI
Hey, do you have any Lucille Balls left?

KIRK
Yes, I have some Balls.

Luke looks up.

KIRK
I'm sorry. Are you a fan of the '50s-slash-mid-'60s sitcom heroines?

LORELAI
I don't know.  Am I?

KIRK
I think you are.

LORELAI
(gasps)
"Bewitched?" I love "Bewitched."

KIRK
Me too. Dr. Bombay was a big influence on me.

LORELAI
Oh, my God -- Serena? I wanted to be Serena. With that hair...

KIRK
And the miniskirts...

LORELAI
And the groovy, psychedelic music...

KIRK
Did you practice the twitch?

LORELAI
Oh, who didn't practice the twitch?
(giggles)

Luke tries to concentrate and begins to look impatient.

KIRK
Tabitha was so lucky. And hey, what ever happened to her little brother Adam? I mean, they determined in episode 242 that he was a warlock, and then...

LUKE
I'm trying to get divorced here!

KIRK
Sorry.

LORELAI
(gently)
I'm sorry.

There's a long pause while Luke sighs and continues with the form.

KIRK
(speaking quietly)
Remember when Endora called him "Derwood?"

LORELAI
Shh.

She gestures to Luke, who is shifting impatiently.

LORELAI
Sorry.

>_END OF TEASER_<

===

INT. STARS HOLLOW: LUKE'S, DINER - DAY

Lorelai enters, approaches and sits at the counter where Luke is prying at a toaster.

LORELAI
Oh man. Beat up the toaster again?

LUKE
This damn thing stopped working.

LORELAI
Could get another one.

LUKE
This one will be fine.

LORELAI
Sure -- as soon as it learns its place. You gonna go ten rounds with the coffee maker, or -

Luke is already pouring her a cup of coffee.

LORELAI
Ooh, thank you. What happened to your thumb?

LUKE
It's from the thumbprint yesterday.

LORELAI
I thought they had inkless pads now.

LUKE
They do, Kirk doesn't.

LORELAI
Right.

He resumes working on the toaster.

LUKE
He hasn't even heard of them. He just uses the stuff that came in the notary kit he sent away for. I've been scrubbing my thumb for two days. I've tried soap, I've tried cleaning fluid--

LORELAI
Have you tried fire?

LUKE
Now not only am I divorced, every time I look at my black thumb, I'm reminded that I'm divorced.

LORELAI
Sorry about your thumb.

LUKE
It's okay. I have another one.

LORELAI
Hey, you know what might make you feel better?

LUKE
What?

LORELAI
Handing me a cherry Danish.

LUKE
Well, it's certainly worth a try.

A cell phone in Lorelai's purse rings. Luke points her outside with his thumb.

LUKE
Out.

LORELAI
But I just got my coffee.

LUKE
Follow the thumb.

She walks out:

EXT. STARS HOLLOW: LUKE'S - DAY

LORELAI
(into phone)
Hello?

INT. NEW HAVEN: YALE OLD CAMPUS DORMS, RORY'S DORM ROOM - DAY

Rory is sitting at her desk using the landline.

RORY
(into phone)
Who is this?

.INTERCUT - PHONE CONVERSATION

LORELAI
This is Lorelai Gilmore.

RORY
No, this is Lorelai Gilmore.

LORELAI
Ooh, "Gaslight."

RORY
So, you have my phone.

LORELAI
Yes, you left it in the kitchen. You know what that means, don't you? You miss Mommy.

RORY
Yes, or that the refrigerator was empty, and I ordered food.

LORELAI
Oh, that makes much more sense.

RORY
Just hold onto it for me? I'll get it from you next time I see you.

LORELAI
Okay -- ooh, hold on, hon.

A second cell phone rings in Lorelai's purse and now she has a cell phone held to each ear.

LORELAI
(into phone)
Hello?

EXT. ROAD - DAY

Jason is talking on his speaker phone in the car while driving.

JASON
(into speaker phone)
So, I'm officially taking the one hour I have off to go to the driving range to hit golf balls to try to improve my sucky game, thereby redeeming myself in your father's eyes.

.INTERCUT - 3 WAY PHONE CONVERSATION

LORELAI
I like the use of "sucky" and "thereby" in the same sentence.

RORY
Hey, who's that?

LORELAI
It's Jason.

RORY
Tell him hi.

Luke exits the diner and approaches holding Lorelai's Danish.

LORELAI
Hey, Rory says hi.

JASON
Tell her hi back.

LORELAI
He says hi back.
(to Luke)
Hi.

LUKE
This is a sickness.

LORELAI
Well, I'll be in in a minute.

LUKE
Who are you talking to?

LORELAI
My other two personalities.

LUKE
I'll bring this back inside.

He starts to leave.

LORELAI
Wait, wait -- bite.

Luke holds the Danish out and she carefully takes a bite.

LUKE
A frightening picture of things to come.

He goes back inside the diner.

LORELAI
Did you talk to anyone yet?

JASON
I left a message for Dad. I talked to Mom, but she just had her morning Mr. Happy pill, so of course she was having a happy morning and was absolutely no help. But I'm on it.

LORELAI
A man on a mission.

JASON
That's me.

RORY
Fire!

LORELAI
What?

RORY
Nothing. I was just feeling left out.

LORELAI
Oh, sorry.

JASON
I figure, if he doesn't call me back by 4:00, I'll just go over there. Okay, I'm at the club. I'm gonna hang up now.

LORELAI
Call me later.

RORY
Me?

LORELAI
No.

JASON
No?

LORELAI
Not you.

RORY
Not me?

LORELAI
Uh, I'm confused.  Who's hanging up now?

JASON
Uh, that would be me.

LORELAI
Good. Okay. I'll talk to you later.

She hangs up with Jason.

LORELAI
Jason's gone.

RORY
Finally had enough of you.

LORELAI
Oh, yeah. It took three hours of my hula-dancing, Small World doll impressions, but I broke him.

RORY
So, how's World War III going?

LORELAI
Oh, you know, the first boys off the boat were mowed down, but the next platoon is moving in.

RORY
Which means?

LORELAI
Jason's making the lawsuit go away.

RORY
Have you talked to Grandma or Grandpa yet?

LORELAI
No.

RORY
Have you tried to talk to Grandma or Grandpa yet?

LORELAI
No.

RORY
That's my little Kofi Annan.

LORELAI
Jason will fix it.

RORY
Jason's not their daughter.

LORELAI
Then he might have better luck.

RORY
Why didn't you just tell them that you guys were dating?

LORELAI
Oh, come on. You know why. We were going to tell them when the time was right. Of course, I had no idea we were dealing with the Carringtons. All we needed was a swimming pool and some ball gowns to really end the evening right.

RORY
This is unbelievable. I leave you people alone for one hour and all hell breaks loose.

LORELAI
Hey, let's talk about something happy. How did your paper turn out?

RORY
It sucked.

LORELAI
Why did it suck?

RORY
I just couldn't find the right hook. It didn't feel focused enough. I don't know. Professor Fleming's class is so hard.

LORELAI
Hon, I bet it was great.

RORY
You have to say that 'cause you're my mother.

LORELAI
Oh, no. I'm not. I've been looking for the right time to tell you.

RORY
Okay, I have to go now.

LORELAI
Yeah, me too. Danish calls.

RORY
Talk to parents.

LORELAI
I'm going to take advice from you after that paper you turned in?

RORY
Goodbye.

LORELAI
Goodbye.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: BAND APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM - DAY

Zach and Brian are playing a video game while Gil sits patiently tuning his guitar.

ZACH
Dude, come on... I want to do a heavenly prayer.

BRIAN
Hold on, I'm trying to do a Vulcan sting, and I just let you do a half-moon death combo.

ZACH
You didn't let me -- I used my soul charge.

Lane, holding a notebook, enters and sits.

LANE
Guys, the band meeting started ten minutes ago.

ZACH
We can hear and play at the same time, Lane.

BRIAN
What?

ZACH
What?

LANE
Okay, fine. I'm going to decide the set list without you. Hey, Gil, I think now would be a great time to add a little Matchbox Twenty to our sound, don't you?

Zach turns to stare at Lane - giving Brian the advantage of beating Zach at the video game which declares "Necrid wins!" Zach stares at the TV in shock.

ZACH
(with sarcasm)
Thank you, Lane.

LANE
You're welcome, Zach. Okay, let's do this. The gig is Friday night.

GIL
Oh, hey, Lane. Who's taking care of the guest list? I need to put my wife down. We got a sitter that night, so we are free to party.

BRIAN
How many people are we allowed to invite? 'Cause my aunt Susan left my uncle Sid, and she's staying with my parents, and that means she's going to bring my cousin, Turner.

LANE
I'm sure that's fine.

BRIAN
He goes everywhere dressed like Zorro.

LANE
That still seems fine.

BRIAN
And he's 16.

ZACH
One less wedding you're gonna have to go to, my friend.

BRIAN
You don't know that.

ZACH
Here.

He hands Lane a folded paper napkin.

LANE
What's this?

ZACH
It's the names of a couple chicks I met last night. Put them on the list.

LANE
I'm sorry -- why am I suddenly in charge of the guest list?

BRIAN
'Cause you're the most reliable.

LANE
How very rock 'n' roll.

ZACH
Hey, wait.

He looks at another napkin from his pocket.

ZACH
Is one of those names Dixie?

LANE
Yes.

ZACH
Wrong night.

He swaps napkins with Lane.

GIL
I want you guys to see something. I've been working on the flier for the gig.

They gather around Gil.

ZACH
Why is there a sandwich on it?

GIL
I used a flier from the sandwich shop to get the dimensions right. It's just a prototype. The real one won't have the sandwich on it.

LANE
So, would there be a picture of us where the sandwich is?

ZACH
Or we could put the band name where the sandwich is.

GIL
Just the name, I think. Diagonal. Across where the sandwich is.

BRIAN
Everyone needs to stop saying "sandwich." I'm getting hungry.

ZACH
Me too.
(to Lane)
Do we have anything to eat?

LANE
It was your turn to shop.

ZACH
Then no.

LANE
Great.

BRIAN
What kind of sandwich is that?

GIL
That's the meatball explosion.

BRIAN
That sounds fantastic.

ZACH
I would dress up like Zorro for a meatball explosion.

BRIAN
Why would those be connected?

ZACH
It would be like a dare.

BRIAN
I once ate cheesecake off the floor on a dare.

ZACH
Cheesecake...

GIL
Cheesecake would be good with the meatball explosion.

LANE
Okay, fine.

She puts down the notebook and tugs on her jacket.

BRIAN
Where you going?

LANE
I'm going to go to the store, and I'm going to get us some food so maybe we can get back to work. Okay?

ZACH
Thanks, Mom.

Lane leaves.

CUT TO:

EXT. STARS HOLLOW: TOWN SQUARE - DAY

Lane crosses the street to the town center and notices a young Korean girl exiting her mother's house in the distance. From behind a tall shrub, Lane watches Mrs. Kim follow the young girl, slip a scarf around her neck and hand her an apple. Lane also notices the young girl is wearing her old sweater. Lane looks shocked then sad.

CUT TO:

EXT. HARTFORD: COUNTRY CLUB, DRIVING RANGE - DAY

Jason is practicing tee-off. He is not doing well.

JASON
(to himself)
Yeah, sure, that's exactly what I meant to do.

Jason sees a familiar face walking by.

JASON
Hey, Owen, good to see you.

They shake hands.

OWEN
Ah, yes. Good to see you too, Jason.

He quickly turns to leave.

JASON
You know, I was gonna call you about the changes in those contracts I sent over.

OWEN
I'll call Richard about them tomorrow.

JASON
Okay, or--

OWEN
Goodbye, Jason.

Puzzled, Jason watches Owen walk away.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: DRAGONFLY INN, LOBBY - DAY

Michel leads a tour group around while talking about the almost finished inn.

MICHEL
All of the woodwork was hand-carved by a union soldier that the owner, Mrs. Tinley, took pity on and nursed back to health. He got better, went off, slaughtered a few dozen Confederate soldiers, came back, and made the stairs. Nice story, yes? Yes, your American history is all over this inn.

He points through a window.

MICHEL
Oh, look, a deer. I think I know that little guy -- he was here for breakfast this morning. Creep up quietly. Take a better look.

He sighs as the group "oohs" and "ahhs" around the window. Michel turns to Lorelai, who stands behind the front desk.

MICHEL
(to Lorelai)
I have these people in the palm of my hand. Travel agents are so easy. Are the horses washed?

LORELAI
They're washed.

MICHEL
Because I'm not bringing them out there to be disgusted by smelly horses.

LORELAI
Trust me. They've been hosed down with new-car scent. They're great.

MICHEL
Okay, let's see -- they saw the deer, we released the doves, I've got the Stevens boy whitewashing the fence in short pants and a straw hat.

LORELAI
No one can manufacture a quaint, small-town moment like you, Michel.

MICHEL
(grins)
Awww…

LORELAI
Ooh, travel agents coming back.

His grin evaporates.

MICHEL
Ugh...

His smile reappears as he turns to the group.

MICHEL
Adorable, yes? Okay, let me show you the upstairs, the bedrooms --
(sniffs the air)
Oh, what is that delicious scent? Why, I bet our amazing chef, Sookie St. James, is experimenting with her cookie recipe again. Why don't we sneak into the kitchen and see if we can convince her to give us a taste? Okay? Follow me.

MAN
Coming through!

Two men pass Michel carrying Sookie between them.

SOOKIE
Coming through!

LORELAI
(gasps)
Sookie!

SOOKIE
I'm okay.

LORELAI
What happened?

MICHEL
Did you make the cookies?

LORELAI
Is it your foot?

SOOKIE
I don't think I broke it. I didn't even hear a snap this time.

LORELAI
Oh, Sookie...

MICHEL
What about the cookies?

SOOKIE
Ooh, the cookies are on the counter. Caramel-marshmallow-chocolate-chunk.

LORELAI
Where are you taking her?

MAN
Dr. Su.

SOOKIE
Ooh, great. He's the best.

CUT TO:

EXT. STARS HOLLOW: DRAGONFLY INN, DRIVEWAY - DAY

Lorelai hovers while Sookie settles in the company van preparing to ride to the doctor's office.

LORELAI
Call me the minute you get there.

SOOKIE
Okay. God, I love having a kitchen again.

LORELAI
You put the doctor on so I can talk to him?

SOOKIE
I will. Hey.

LORELAI
What?

SOOKIE
I'm back.

They laugh. Lorelai closes the van door. The van drives off. Lorelai sees Jason exiting his car and approaching.

LORELAI
Well, this is a nice surprise.

JASON
Well, apparently this is a day for surprises.

LORELAI
Oh, what's the matter?

JASON
I spent the entire day trying to track down your father.

LORELAI
Do you want to sit or plant or...

JASON
I left messages at his house, on his cell phone...finally, I went to the office, and he wasn't there.

LORELAI
O-okay.

JASON
The only people that were there were two extremely uncomfortable looking secretaries who practically threw their back out trying to avoid eye contact with me.

LORELAI
Why?

JASON
Why? Yes. A good question. I asked myself the same thing. And then I got a call from Richard's lawyer.

LORELAI
What did he want?

JASON
To tell me that Richard's going back into business with my father.

LORELAI
What? Jason... no, my father wouldn't do that.

JASON
He did it.

LORELAI
No, that company forced him out.

JASON
And now they have welcomed him back in. He has his own boutique company under their banner, a big office, no overhead.

LORELAI
Well, there must be some --

JASON
And he is taking all our clients with him. I... couldn't believe it. I thought it was one of those crazy, not-so-funny, Billy-Crystal-At-The-Oscars kind of jokes, so I spent the last two hours calling every client I could, and they're all gone.

LORELAI
Oh, Jason.

JASON
The ones I brought in from my father's company, the ones I've brought in since -- all gone.

LORELAI
How could he do this? How could my father just take the business from you?

JASON
Oh, no, no, no. He left me the business, but without the clients, the business consists of some stationery, a coffee maker, and some rubber pencil grips.

LORELAI
I don't understand. Why would my father do that?

JASON
Because it's brilliant. It's perfect. He gets my dad to drop the lawsuit, he makes some extra cash, and he's sitting pretty. Makes perfect sense.

LORELAI
But he was your partner.

JASON
And now he's the guy running around town, bad-mouthing me. It is amazing. Your father has done a very thorough job. I've got nothing. He has ruined my reputation. What do I do now? I don't know. Move? Start over somewhere else? What?

He's pacing nervously.

LORELAI
Well, you can't move.

JASON
Well, I have to work, and he's making it pretty impossible for me to work here. Oh, my God. I'm gonna end up in Houston.

LORELAI
Jason...

JASON
Where all the financial wash ups wash up. It's gonna be me and the Enron boys smoking cigars while their ankle cuffs beep in the background.

LORELAI
What can I do?

JASON
Nothing. I just needed to vent. I'm okay. Thank you.

LORELAI
Come in.

JASON
No, no. I can't. I'll call you later.

He gives Lorelai a quick kiss. Lorelai looks helpless as he leaves.

CUT TO:

INT. NEW HAVEN: YALE BOOKSTORE - DAY

A large crowd is gathered listening intently to Asher Fleming reading from a book.

ASHER
(reading)
"I saw then what I had not seen before."

Rory enters and stands close to where a smiling Paris - who is also riveted to Asher's recitation - is seated.

ASHER
(reading)
"I saw the stoop of his shoulders, the lines on his face -- like a map of a country I had once traveled with him. I hoped these marks of age reflected wisdom, but I feared they were merely tokens, purchased with lack of sleep and the kind of artificial goodwill that's squeezed from a man in the public eye like oil from a rag."

He closes the heavy book and crowd applauds. Sitting in front, a redhead wearing low-cut orange sweater smiles coyly at Professor Fleming.

ASHER
(reading)
Thank you. Thank you. You're very kind.

A tall slim brunette approaches and whispers in his ear. Paris' smile vanishes.

BRUNETTE
(to the audience)
Thank you, Asher Fleming, for that very moving excerpt from your new novel, "Jaglon." It is an absolutely electric book. Now, Professor Fleming has been kind enough to give us one hour, so if you'll just line up behind the table, you can get your book signed, and then take them over to the cash register to purchase them.
(to Asher)
If you'll just follow me.

ASHER
My pleasure.

Rory joins Paris and sits down.

PARIS
(to Rory)
God, he was great. Wasn't he great?

RORY
He was very impressive.

PARIS
He is so commanding. I mean, it's obviously not necessary for a brilliant novelist to also be an extraordinary public speaker, but he is.

RORY
Yes, he is.

PARIS
And he's sexy as hell.

RORY
Teacher. Mine. Thanks.

PARIS
Look at all these girls, just flocking around him. They're so obvious.

At the signing table, the redhead flirts with Asher.

ASHER
Well, hello there.

REDHEAD
Hello Professor Fleming. I can't tell you what a thrill this is.

ASHER
Well, I'm -- I'm flattered.

REDHEAD
You're a genius.

ASHER
Am I? How delightful.

REDHEAD
I'm buying a copy for everyone I know.

ASHER
Well, then, you should meet some more people. You'll make my publisher's day.

The redhead giggles.

PARIS
Who is she kidding? Like he can't see right through the multiple-book-buying ploy? I mean, what girl hasn't used that one?

RORY
God knows, I have.

PARIS
You want to go up and say hi?

RORY
No, thanks. You go.

PARIS
We won't be disturbing him. I'm his girlfriend.

RORY
It's okay. Really.

PARIS
Are you hiding from him because of your paper?

RORY
I'm not hiding. I just don't need to know how much it sucks before it's time.

PARIS
You might be over-reacting.

RORY
Oh. No. Smell that? What's that? Oh, yeah. I believe that's my paper. Thanks. I'll stay here.

They watch the progress of autograph signing. The redhead stands nearby.

PARIS
Oh please -- she's going to hover. Pathetic. Hey, did I show you this?

She opens her own copy of his book.

PARIS
Look.

RORY
"To a wise, willful, wonderful woman."

PARIS
That's me. He dedicated it to me.

RORY
Wow, that's very nice.

PARIS
I know.

RORY
It's not very specific, but it's very nice.

PARIS
Well, what's he supposed to do, write my name?

RORY
Perish the thought.

PARIS
You know the situation.

RORY
I do.

PARIS
And as long as I know that the wise, willful, wonderful woman is me, who cares who else knows?

RORY
You're right. I'm sorry. I'm just stressed about my paper.

PARIS
Well, don't take your loser paper out on me. Is he out of water? I'm going to get him some water.

Paris stands up.

RORY
Paris, I'm sorry. The dedication's nice.

PARIS
Thanks.

She leaves while watching more girls hovering around Asher.

PARIS
Oh, yes. Like they read.

Rory walks toward the store exit as Doyle walks up.

DOYLE
Well, this was a royal waste of my time. However, there were cookies. Here, hold some so I don't look like a pig.

RORY
You didn't enjoy the reading?

DOYLE
I wasn't here to enjoy the reading. I was here to cover the reading for the paper to go along with the review of the book. And then I arrive only to realize that every single available girl at Yale is here, including four of my reporters.

RORY
I'm not here on paper business. I'm here because I enjoy books and because I read books.

DOYLE
Please.

RORY
I do.

DOYLE
And Paris?

RORY
She's with me.

DOYLE
And Anna and Cassie?

RORY
Point, Doyle.

DOYLE
Everybody's here because Fleming's an intellectual dreamboat.

RORY
Well, I'm not here for the dreamboat.

DOYLE
God, that man. He's got a constant rotation going. A new girl every year. Very young, of course. Last year it was Trey Myers. God, was she beautiful. She looked like what I always pictured a Swedish stewardess to be.

RORY
Really?

DOYLE
Yep. Then they broke up at the end of the term, and she rebounded with a drama major.

RORY
So, any idea who he's seeing now?

DOYLE
Actually, no. This year's girl is a bit of a mystery. Maybe he's already broken up with one, and he's trolling for another.
(scoffs)
My money's on the redhead.

They both observe the redhead still loitering near Asher.

CUT TO:

INT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, FOYER - DAY

The doorbell rings. The maid opens the door for Lorelai.

LORELAI
Hi. I'm looking for my father. Big guy, bow tie.

MAID
Mr. Gilmore's in the living room.

LORELAI
Thank you.

Lorelak enters.

CUT TO:

INT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, LIVING ROOM - DAY

Lorelai walks in. Richard is sitting in a chair reading.

RICHARD
Well, you're here.

RICHARD
Lorelai. I didn't know you were coming over.

LORELAI
I called.

RICHARD
Yes. Well, I haven't been in the mood to talk.

LORELAI
Well, we need to.

She sets her purse down on the coffee table.

RICHARD
I felt like reading.

LORELAI
Why are you doing this, Dad?

RICHARD
Well, reading is good for you. You learn things.

LORELAI
Jason was your partner.

Richard stands up.

RICHARD
(inhales deeply)
If we are going to discuss this, let's go into my office.

LORELAI
Jason was your partner, and he said he was gonna take care of it.

RICHARD
Lorelai...

LORELAI
Dad -- no, I'm fine talking right here. Jason said he was taking care of everything, and you didn't even give him a chance before you cut him out--

RICHARD
This is business.

LORELAI
No, you took everything from him, Dad. You're ruining his reputation. You're making it impossible for him to work.

RICHARD
I did what I had to do.

LORELAI
You didn't have to do this.

RICHARD
Well, thank you for your opinion.

LORELAI
That company was so horrible to you. They treated you like dirt, they forced you out, and you chose them over him?

RICHARD
I am not choosing anyone over--

LORELAI
I just don't understand why you would do this. Is it because of me? Are you taking this out on him because --

RICHARD
(raising his voice)
Did you not hear what the man said? Did you not hear Floyd threaten to go after everything your mother and I have?

LORELAI
Yes--

RICHARD
Everything I've worked for. This house, our livelihood.

LORELAI
There has to be something else you can do.

Emily appears unnoticed at the top of he stairs.

RICHARD
Go home, Lorelai.

LORELAI
No, Dad, please... I'm -- I'm sorry that I lied to you about dating Jason, but you can't destroy him like this.

Emily moves closer to listen, still unnoticed.

RICHARD
I'm hardly destroying him.

LORELAI
You took his entire business. You've left him with nothing. He's talking about moving. Leaving.

RICHARD
So what?

LORELAI
(incredulous)
So? I'm in a relationship with him.

RICHARD
Then go with him.

LORELAI
You know I can't go with him. I have a business, I have a house, I have Rory. I can't just pick up and leave.

RICHARD
Well, then, you've made your choice.

LORELAI
Dad, stop it.

RICHARD
I am tired of this, Lorelai. You've shown absolutely no concern about what happens to me, what happens to your mother. The only thing you care about is what happens to your boyfriend. And the worst part of it... is that I never expected you to act any differently.

Richard walks off. Lorelai, looking crushed, picks up her purse to leave.

CUT TO:

INT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, RICHARD'S STUDY - DAY

Emily enters and approaches Richard, who is seated at his desk.

EMILY
Is it really necessary?

RICHARD
Is what really necessary?

EMILY
Going after Jason like this.

RICHARD
I didn't know you were a fan of Jason's.

EMILY
I'm not. I'm just concerned.

RICHARD
What are you concerned about, Emily?

EMILY
It took us a long time to get Lorelai back into this house, and she is dating Jason.

RICHARD
What are you saying?

EMILY
I worry that if you do this, you'll drive Lorelai away again. And if she goes, Rory might go.

RICHARD
She lied to us. To you. To me.

EMILY
I am very well aware of what she did.

RICHARD
The last time I checked, you didn't care for being lied to.

EMILY
Don't be condescending. I don't like being lied to.

RICHARD
We can't control what Lorelai will do. Rory won't go away. I'm doing what I have to do.

He returns to his reading, ending their conversation. Emily stands for a moment silently thinking, then leaves without a word.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: BAND APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM - DAY

LANE
(into phone)
Who does she think she is? Just walking out of my house like she owned the place.

EXT. NEW HAVEN: YALE UNIVERSITY, COURTYARD - DAY

Rory is walking toward class.

RORY
Your mom didn't just go out and get another kid.

.INTERCUT - PHONE CONVERSATION

LANE
Korea is where you go to get new kids. Ask anyone.

RORY
There has to be another explanation.

LANE
The explanation is -- I've been replaced.

RORY
You have not been replaced.

LANE
She was wearing my bunny sweater.

RORY
You hated that bunny sweater. That's why you left it there.

LANE
She also had my second-least-favorite scarf, and she was eating my apple.

RORY
What apple?

LANE
The apple my mother would have given me if I still lived there.

Rory walks into:

INT. NEW HAVEN: YALE UNIVERSITY, HALLWAY - DAY

RORY
(into phone)
Which you don't by your own choice, might I add.

INT. STARS HOLLOW: BAND APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM - DAY

LANE
(into phone)
Now you're taking her side.

.INTERCUT - PHONE CONVERSATION

RORY
I'm not taking her side.

LANE
I've been replaced. Drop by when you're in town, meet your new best friend.

RORY
Lane...

LANE
Tip her well when she waits on you at Luke's. Head over to the church with her, share a pew.

RORY
Lane...

LANE
My mom has found a new daughter. I bet this one can needlepoint.

RORY
Look, I've got to go. Paris said I could use ten daytime minutes on her phone, and after that, her exorbitant prevailing rates apply, so I'll call you back when I get to my room.

LANE
Oh, wait, are you coming to the gig on Friday?

RORY
Gig? Yes. What time do you go on?

LANE
Eight o'clock. Which means 8:30.

RORY
Shoot. Friday night dinner.

LANE
Oh, I forgot.

RORY
I don't think I'll make it in time.

LANE
That's okay.

RORY
But I want to see your gig.

LANE
We will have other gigs. Of course, by that time the other Lane will be drumming in the band.

RORY
Well, as long as she's got a good downbeat.

LANE
Have you gone out for the pep squad yet?

RORY
I'll call you in a little while. Bye.

LANE
Bye.

INT. NEW HAVEN: YALE UNIVERSITY, HALLWAY - DAY

Rory waits patiently while other students anxiously pull graded papers from a wall tray.

RORY
Excuse me.

STUDENT #1
Oh, right.

He pulls out his paper and moves aside.

STUDENT #1
A B-minus. Oh, thank god.

RORY
Not bad.

She shuffles through the remaining papers.

STUDENT #1
Are you kidding? A B-minus in Fleming's class is like... an "A" anywhere else in sane America. 

Student #2 nods in agreement.

STUDENT #1
(to student #2)
Let's celebrate. 

They leave. Rory pulls her paper from stack and is startled to see "A - Excellent" written in red on the cover.

CUT TO:

INT. NEW HAVEN: YALE OLD CAMPUS DORMS, RORY'S DORM SUITE - DAY

Rory is studying on the sofa while loud music plays loudly from above. She stands, grabs a nearby broom and bangs on the ceiling repeatedly. There's pounding on the front door. She opens it. Lorelai enters.

LORELAI
College is loud!

RORY
Yes, it's part of our training. It's right up there with the bad food, the sleep deprivation, and how to hold your own hair while throwing up.

LORELAI
Awww.

She kisses Rory on the head as they walk to and sit down on the sofa.

RORY
What are you doing here?

LORELAI
Inn stuff. I had to pick up hinges and doorknobs and faucets.

RORY
Oh, my.

LORELAI
And I figured, while I was in the 'hood, I'd drop this off.

She hands Rory her cell phone.

RORY
Hey, thanks.

The music stops.

LORELAI
You're welcome.

RORY
Hey, you didn't have to do that. You could have just given it to me at Friday night dinner.

LORELAI
(chuckles)
I could have.

RORY
Unless you're not going to Friday night dinner.

Lorelai sighs.

RORY
You're not going to Friday night dinner.

LORELAI
Rory?

RORY
Why?

LORELAI
Things have gotten worse.

RORY
How could they be worse? They were already at worse.

LORELAI
Dad is going after Jason, and... it's complicated but it's really bad. And I went over there to try to talk to him about it, and he was horrible. He said awful things to me.

RORY
Like what?

LORELAI
Like things. It doesn't matter, but I -- I can't just go and sit there and make small talk and pretend that everything's okay.

RORY
Mom...

LORELAI
Because it's not okay.

RORY
You were mad, he was mad, you said some things...

LORELAI
No, Rory.

RORY
No. Now, I don't doubt that it was bad. You and Grandpa can make each other crazy, but maybe once he calmed down, he was sorry.

LORELAI
He is not sorry.

RORY
You could be wrong. Maybe if we go over there and give him a chance to make it right, he would.

LORELAI
Oh, boy, honey, you're living in fuzzy-puppy land.

RORY
Mom, it's really important to me that you don't back out of Friday night dinners. They're the only time that the whole family gets together. Sometimes it's the only time that I get to see you, and I like having it there. It's really important to me.

LORELAI
Rory, come on.

RORY
I'm serious. Please, just give him a chance to make it up to you. Please. I'll be there. I'll be your buffer.

LORELAI
(laughs)
You will, huh?

RORY
Absolutely. They can focus on me, you can focus on me...

LORELAI
What about when he throws his glass of water in my face?

RORY
Then I will get very wet.

LORELAI
I'm holding you to that.

RORY
Yep.

The loud music from upstairs begins again. They both look up.

LORELAI
Wow.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: LUKE'S, DINER - DAY

Lane's bustling around behind the counter during a very busy customer rush.

LANE
Caesar, I need a turkey burger, fries well-done, and I'm still waiting for that grilled cheese and tomato.

CAESAR
Patience is a virtue.

LANE
Light a candle, and tell it to the pope. I want my grilled cheese, pronto.

She grabs the coffee pot and prepares to make the rounds.

KIRK
Excuse me, Lane?

LANE
Uh, yes, Kirk.

KIRK
I'm a little confused.

LANE
About what, Kirk?

KIRK
Well, I'm looking at this flier you gave me, and what exactly do you have to do to get the sandwich?

LANE
What?

KIRK
I mean, does everyone who shows up get a sandwich, or is it first come, first sandwich?

LANE
Oh, that's a mistake. The sandwich isn't supposed to be there.

KIRK
What are you saying?

LANE
I'm saying that's just a flier for our band. We're playing Friday at 8:30.

KIRK
So, there's no sandwiches.

LANE
No.

KIRK
Then, why would I go?

LANE
To hear some great music.

KIRK
Oh. Can I bring my own sandwich?

LUKE
Hey, Lane?

Lane approaches the counter where Luke is leaning.

LUKE
I know it's time for your break now, but is it okay if I let Caesar take his?

LANE
He owes me a grilled cheese.

LUKE
I'll do it. He's gotta run to the bank or something. To be honest, I wasn't paying too much attention, 'cause he was bugging me.

LANE
No problem.

Caesar appears and hands Lane the grilled cheese plate.

LUKE
Thanks.

Lane looks out the diner window and sees the young Korean girl walking nearby.

LANE
I'm taking my 10!

She plunks down the plate and rushes out the diner door.  Kirk looks at the abandoned plate on the nearby empty table.

KIRK
That looks like it travels well.

CUT TO:

EXT. STAR'S HOLLOW: SIDEWALK - DAY

Lane rushes up to the girl and taps her on the shoulder.

LANE
Hey.

KYON
(startled)
Oh.

LANE
Who are you?

KYON
(Korean accent)
Hi.

LANE
What are you doing here?

KYON
Where?

LANE
Why are you living in my house?

KYON
Your house?

LANE
That house right there. It's mine.

KYON
I'm staying there.

LANE
Why? Are we related?

KYON
I hope not.

LANE
How do you know Mrs. Kim?

KYON
I am exchange student from Seoul. I'm here for three months, and Mrs. Kim is my host.

LANE
Exchange student, huh?

KYON
Yes. Who are you?

LANE
I'm Mrs. Kim's daughter. She did tell you she had a daughter, right?

KYON
Yes.

LANE
Well, she does, and it's me. So, you can try whatever tricks you want. I will always be her daughter.

KYON
Why are you so mad?

LANE
Because you stole my life.

KYON
I did not steal your life.

LANE
You're living in my room. You're wearing my clothes. And don't tell me you always looked like that.

The girl starts yelling in Korean.

LANE
I'm not very crazy!

The girl continues speaking excitedly in Korean.

LANE
How would you like it if I moved into your house?!

Still yelling in Korean, the girl turns to leave.

LANE
Why don't you just go back home?!

The girl says something in Korean about Mrs. Kim and runs back to the Kim house.

LANE
You don't have to feel sorry for Mrs. Kim! Mrs. Kim is fine! And give me back my sweater, and my second-least-favorite scarf!

CUT TO:

INT. NEW HAVEN: YALE UNIVERSITY, CLASSROOM - DAY

Professor Fleming concludes class with instructions.

ASHER
On Tuesday, we'll continue our look at "Neglect of the Individual" as a hallmark of modern government. Be prepared to discuss Kafka's "The Trial." Yes, if, uh, if all goes well, it'll get very ugly. Thank you, everyone.

The class chuckles as they all rise to leave. Rory walks past Asher's desk on her way out.

ASHER
Oh, very nice job on your paper, Miss Gilmore.

RORY
Oh, thank you.
(pause)
You know, Professor Fleming, I was actually a little surprised by my grade.

ASHER
Were you? Well, you deserved it. You did good work.

RORY
To be honest, I don't feel like I did.

ASHER
Ah, a perfectionist.

RORY
No, I'm not a perfectionist. I just know when I do well and when I don't.

ASHER
You know, this sounds as if you're questioning your grade.

RORY
Well, maybe I am.

ASHER
Well, this is a first. Today alone, I've heard complaints from, uh... two "D"s, four "C"s, and an "F," but, uh, not from an "A." In fact, in 35 years of teaching, I've never heard from an "A."

RORY
I just want to be sure that the grade I got is... what I deserve.

ASHER
What exactly are you saying, Miss Gilmore?

RORY
Just that if the grade I got wasn't... legitimately earned, then I have no interest in it.

ASHER
Oh, how very noble of you.

RORY
I intend to earn all of my grades. I don't want any favors.

ASHER
And why exactly would you think that I'd be inclined to grant you any favors?

RORY
I'm not saying that you are --

ASHER
You're not? Oh, then I must have misunderstood this conversation.

RORY
I'm just saying that --

ASHER
Yes?

RORY
That I want to earn all of my grades.

ASHER
Yes, you've already said that.

RORY
No matter how many "wise, willful, and wonderful women" I know.

ASHER
Have you quite finished?

RORY
I suppose I have.

She turns to leave.

ASHER
Oh, before you go any further, Miss Gilmore, let me assure you that I do not give grades that are not earned. I gave you an "A" because your argument was well-structured, your writing was clear and concise, and you drew a connection from Marsilius of Padua to Machiavelli to the modern age of media that PhD candidates would envy. In fact, no one else's paper was that thoroughly researched. Except for the other person who also got an "A." You did what was demanded, and you did it well. And I would seriously caution you not to question my grading tactics again.

RORY
Okay. Thanks for the "A."

She pauses at the door before leaving.

RORY
And the redhead has fat thighs.

Asher slams his briefcase closed looking a bit perturbed.

CUT TO:

INT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, DRIVEWAY - NIGHT

Rory is leading her mother toward the front door.

RORY
Come on.

LORELAI
Hey, hey, there's no hurry. We're early.

RORY
Yes, but we're here, so we might as well go in and get it over with.

LORELAI
Okay, just relax, why don't you? I would like to stop and smell the roses if you don't mind.

RORY
Mom...

LORELAI
You're young. You don't understand these things. I'm old, I'm dying, I'm gonna smell a rose. Oh, I don't see a rose. I think there's one next door.

RORY
You're being a tad ridiculous. Come on.

LORELAI
On a scale of one to a million, how awful do you think tonight's gonna be?

RORY
Well, how high a number did you think the walk up the driveway was?

LORELAI
Ugh.

The stand in front of:

EXT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, FRONT DOOR - DAY

LORELAI
You know, I wonder which tact my dad's gonna pick tonight. I bet he goes with the silent treatment.

RORY
Or maybe... he won't.

LORELAI
Yeah, you're right. He might prefer the full-on, frontal assault. You know, just constant mental flogging right from "dingdong" through till "drive safe."

RORY
Well, at least he said "drive safe."

LORELAI
Oh, no. It wasn't him. It was the maid.

RORY
Right.

LORELAI
Or maybe Dad will be fine, and Emily will be on the attack. Yeah, a little good cop/bad cop if you know what I mean. Keep me on my toes. I won't be expecting that.

RORY
Except that you are. Ready?

Rory reaches for the doorbell. Lorelai stops her.

LORELAI
Okay -- wait, just wait -- we can still leave.

RORY
No.

LORELAI
Rory... right now is the point in the horror movie where the entire audience is yelling, "Don't go in there."

RORY
I will be right beside you, okay?

LORELAI
Okay. But I'm telling you... if my dad gets ugly, I'm out of there.

Rory pulls her hand from Lorelai's grasp, pats her arm reassuringly and rings the bell. Moments later Richard opens the door.

RICHARD
Lorelai. Rory. You're early.

He is surprised.

RORY
Yeah, no traffic.

RICHARD
No? Well, that's very -- uh, come in.

He appears distracted.

CUT TO:

INT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Lorelai and Rory follow Richard in.

RICHARD
Did you hit much traffic?

RORY
Um...no. No traffic at all.

RICHARD
Well, good. Uh, nothing like an hour stuck in traffic to ruin your complete day.

LORELAI
Heh.

The girls remove their coats and sit down on the sofa.

RICHARD
Should I take your coats?

LORELAI
That's okay. We can just put them here.

She settles her coat beside her.

RICHARD
All right. Well, you're early, so I'm not quite organized yet, but, uh, shall we have some drinks?

LORELAI
Okay.

RICHARD
All right.

He bounces to the bar table.

RICHARD
There's no ice. Do we need ice?

LORELAI
Uh.

RICHARD
Of course we need ice. There's some in the kitchen. I'll go get it.

RORY
Okay.

Richard exits.

RORY
He doesn't seem mad.

LORELAI
All depends on which definition of "mad" you're going with.

Emily enters and rushes past them, toward the stairs with her coat and purse clutched in her arms.

LORELAI
Mom...

EMILY
Lorelai. Rory. You're early.

RORY
Um, yeah, we didn't hit any traffic, so...

EMILY
Well, I-it's nice to see you.

LORELAI
Where were you?

EMILY
When?

LORELAI
Just now.

EMILY
O-oh, well, I had to run out to the store.

LORELAI
To get what?

EMILY
They were out.

RICHARD
Emily... the girls are early.

EMILY
I see that. Is that ice?

RICHARD
Yes. We need it to make the drinks.

He spills ice on the carpet.

RICHARD
Oh, shoot.

EMILY
You should take the bucket into the kitchen the next time.

Her purse is still slung over her shoulder as she picks up scattered ice.

RICHARD
Yes, that would've been the smart thing to do. Well, I was making drinks.

EMILY
So, uh, Rory, how is school?

Emily sits down on the sofa still holding on to her purse.

RORY
It's fine. Um, I just got an "A" on a paper.

EMILY
Oh, well, that's wonderful.

LORELAI
You gonna let go of that purse, Mom?

EMILY
What?

LORELAI
Well, you're holding pretty tightly to your purse there. You look like someone's Tante Flickman.

EMILY
Oh, well, I, uh, just...there.

She sets the purse beside her.

LORELAI
Okay.

EMILY
It's new.

LORELAI
The purse?

EMILY
Yes, it's new. I'm trying to break it in.

LORELAI
Sure. Otherwise, you'd get blisters.

RICHARD
Well, here we are.

He approaches with a full tray of drinks and passes them out.

RICHARD
Lorelai.

LORELAI
Thank you.

RICHARD
And soda for Rory. Emily? Well, good.

With an awkward pause, he moves to stand behind Emily.

RICHARD
Uh, so...Cheers.

LORELAI
Cheers.

RORY
Cheers.

EMILY
Cheers.

They all drink.

RICHARD
So, Rory, how's school?

RORY
Fine. I just got an "A" on a...paper.

RICHARD
Oh.

LORELAI
Has she told you about the traffic?

The maid enters.

MAID
Dinner's ready.

LORELAI
It is?

Emily checks her watch.

EMILY
It's only just 7:00 now.

MAID
Oh, I'm sorry. What time did you want dinner? You didn't tell me, so...

EMILY
You know what? It's all right. We'll just eat now.

LORELAI
Now?

RORY
Okay.

LORELAI
But what do we do with the--

EMILY
Just take your drinks to the table.

She rises to leave.

LORELAI
(incredulous)
Take our drinks to the--

RICHARD
Oh, I'll grab the cocktail napkins.

He rushes off to the dining room.

LORELAI
But - Mom, you left your purse.

EMILY
Oh, yes.

LORELAI
Mom.

EMILY
What?

LORELAI
I was just kidding, Mom.

EMILY
Oh, you.

She leaves the room.

LORELAI
Uh, okay, so every time they ask you about school or traffic, just do a shot.

RORY
Shh.

They both rise to follow Emily and Richard to the dining room.

CUT TO:

INT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, DINING ROOM - NIGHT

They are all seated, eating in silence. The only noise is the sound of utensils clinking against china. Lorelai and Rory look around the silent table. The maid enters to clear Lorelai's plate.

LORELAI
Thank you.

After a long silent pause while the maid clears the rest of the dishes, Lorelai clears her throat.

LORELAI
So, what's for dessert?

EMILY
We're not having dessert.

RORY
We're not?

EMILY
I-I'm on a diet.

RICHARD
Americans are extremely fat.

LORELAI
I think they prefer Rubenesque.

RORY
You're not fat, Grandma.

EMILY
Well, thank you, Lorelai.

Rory looks at Lorelai, who shrugs.

LORELAI
She was close.

They all sit in silence at the long empty table.

LORELAI
Well, okay. If we're not having dessert, then… we should go?

EMILY
All right.

She tosses down her napkin and quickly rises.

RICHARD
See you next Friday

EMILY
Thank you for coming.

RORY
Oh. Thank you for having us.

EMILY
Oh, wait. The Gordons' gave us some wonderful chocolate last week. They brought it back from Belgium. You can take it with you.

She exits to the kitchen.

LORELAI
No, Mom, that's okay. We're fine.

RICHARD
These are really good chocolates, Lorelai.

LORELAI
I'm sure they are, Dad.

RICHARD
(calling out)
Did you find them, Emily?

RORY
Grandpa, we can just get them next time.

RICHARD
Oh, nonsense. You can eat them on the way home.
(calling)
Emily?

Emily walks in with two paper bags.

EMILY
Here they are. I've got them.

She hands each of them a paper bag.

EMILY
One for you and one for you. Enjoy.

LORELAI
We will.

There is a pause as they stand awkwardly together in the dining room.

LORELAI
Okay, uh... we're leaving now. Have a good evening and get some sleep.

EMILY
All right.

Lorelai gestures to hurry Rory as they exit the room.

RICHARD
Good night.

Emily waves. Neither of them follows Lorelai and Rory to the door.

CUT TO:

EXT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, FRONT DOOR - NIGHT

The door closes behind Lorelai and Rory.

LORELAI
What the hell was that?

RORY
I don't know.

LORELAI
Jack Nicholson and Angelina Jolie just kicked us out with parting gifts.

RORY
Dessert to go.

LORELAI
As much as the thought of an early end to Friday night dinner and dessert for the road appeals to me, that was just weird.

Rory looks inside her paper bag.

RORY
She made a tin-foil swan.

LORELAI
What was up with the drinks and the dinner she knew nothing about, and where was she coming from, anyhow?

RORY
I don't know.

LORELAI
She had to "run to the store." Since when?

RORY
I don't know.

LORELAI
And she came back with nothing. Ooh, and the purse. Did you notice the purse?

RORY
They say people change as they get older. I just didn't think it was all in one week.

LORELAI
There is something wrong here.

Lorelai notices a car parked in the driveway.

LORELAI
Why is my mother's car here?

RORY
She was in a hurry?

LORELAI
My mother never parks her car in the driveway, because the car might drip oil and make a spot on the concrete, and then life as we know it would end.

They walk over to:

INT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, DRIVEWAY - NIGHT

She approaches the car and looks in the windows.

RORY
What are you doing?

LORELAI
Just seeing what's in her car.

RORY
Why?

LORELAI
Because -- I don't know. I just feel like something's up.

Emily walks out of the door.

LORELAI
She's coming.

RORY
Who?

LORELAI
Mom. Hurry.

She rushes to hide in bushes, pulling Rory with her.

RORY
What are you doing? Good shoes, good shoes, good shoes.

Emily exits the house with dry cleaning in hand and gets inside her car. She drives off.

LORELAI
She's leaving.

RORY
Where's she going?

LORELAI
I don't know. She left her house with dry cleaning, and she drove off?

RORY
She was meeting friends?

LORELAI
Tonight? After dinner?

RORY
Maybe?

LORELAI
(sighs)
I'm sorry. This might be crazy, but... is my mom not staying here tonight?

RORY
Well...

CUT TO:

INT. STAGE - NIGHT

Lane's band is playing.

*Music: "Time Bomb" by Rancid*

Lane smiles while she plays the drums. The song ends with a big flourish. The crowd cheers loudly.

LANE
Great gig! Awesome gig!

*Music: “Happy Kid” by Nada Surf*

ZACH
(to Brian)
You're starting to wheeze on the beat, dude.

BRIAN
I've been practicing.

GIL
Man, I am feeling it. We have hit the next level.

LANE
We have, haven't we?

GIL
You heard the crowd.

ZACH
Dude, what was with the shirt raise?

GIL
Hey, man, when I'm playing like that, there is no room for clothes.

ZACH
We need a sign, 'cause I was staring right at you when you took it off. I felt like putting a buck in your pants.

GIL
Hey, I wouldn't turn it down.

WOMAN
Brian, honey!


He walks over to a table where is parents, his aunt Susan and his cousin Turner, dressed as Zorro, are.

BRIAN
Hey, Mom.

BRIAN'S DAD
You kids were excellent.

BRIAN
Thanks, Dad. Hey, Aunt Susan. Hey...Turner.

TURNER
Hey, Brian.

BRIAN'S MOM
I brought carrot sticks. You want a carrot stick, Brian?

BRIAN
Yeah, thanks.

Gil, Zach and Lane still stand on the stage.

LANE
He really does wear a Zorro costume.

GIL
I gotta go find my wife.

He leaves.

LANE
I'm so jazzed right now. That was great! We have never played that good.

Zach and Lane sit on the edge of the stage.

ZACH
You've never played that good.

LANE
Really?

Zach nods.

LANE
You've never given me a compliment, ever.

ZACH
What am I, your mother?

They both laugh.

ZACH
Ew.

LANE
What?

Zach points to a corner where Gil is passionately kissing a slinky dressed woman.

LANE
Oh.

ZACH
Who is that?

LANE
I think it's his wife.

ZACH
Seriously, that is just wrong.

LANE
He should celebrate. We all should celebrate. Stay out all night, hit the clubs, and talk about our Rolling Stones cover -- "Garden of Eden" theme.

Two girls walk up to them.

SHANNON
Hi, Zach.

ZACH
Shannon.

SHANNON
You remembered?

ZACH
I can read a napkin, sweetheart.
(to girl #2)
Nice pants.

GIRL #2
You're a god.

ZACH
And we shall discuss this further at the bar.

He puts an arm around each girl and they walks off together.

ZACH
So, what did you think of the lyrics?

Lane watches them leave, then glances over at Gil still making out with his wife in the corner. She wanders past the table where Brian's family is gathered and eventually sits at her drum set all alone.

CUT TO:

EXT. STARS HOLLOW: KIM HOUSE - NIGHT

Lane slowly approaches the door, inserts her house key in the lock, and quietly enters.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: KIM HOUSE, LANE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

She opens her bedroom door and sees the young Korean girl sleeping in her bed. She exits to:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: KIM HOUSE, HALLWAY - NIGHT

Lane pauses, then moves opens her mother's bedroom door:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: KIM HOUSE, MRS. KIM'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Lane quietly enters and watches her mother sleeping peacefully. Lane gently kisses her mother's forehead and quietly leaves.

CUT TO:

INT. HARTFORD: COFFEE SHOP - DAY

Lorelai and Jason are seated at the counter.

LORELAI
So, I spent all morning on the phone calling every hotel in the area with a decent high tea, and there she was. Grafton Hotel, room 421. Check-out date indefinite.

JASON
I'm sorry.

LORELAI
I can't believe my parents are separated. I mean, I dreamed about this as a kid. Of course, my scenario also involved my mother finding her inner Timothy Leary and moving us all out to a commune in Berkeley, but still... I was convinced that these people should not be together, but you know what? I was wrong. Richard and Emily Gilmore were made for each other. God, this is so...freaky. And I'm not supposed to know, and of course we won't talk about it, because we don't do that in our family. We repress everything, and we refuse to go to therapy, because why tell a stranger your problems, when you can use them to punish those around you? So, what now? Every Friday I'm supposed to pretend that they still live together, and then after we leave, my mother will get in her car and drive back to the hotel? The hotel. My mother's living in a hotel. It's weird. It's just incredibly weird.
(sighs)
I'm sorry. I just needed to vent.

JASON
You have every right.

LORELAI
I'm done now. There's nothing I can do about them, so...
(sighs)
Talk to me. You were gonna tell me something.

JASON
I'm suing your father.

Lorelai scoffs.

JASON
I have to, Lorelai.

LORELAI
No, you don't.

JASON
I've gone over it. I've weighed every option. I have to respond. I cannot just sit here and do nothing when my entire career is going up in flames.

LORELAI
Jason, please. Don't do this.

JASON
Maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe he'll settle.

LORELAI
He won't settle.

JASON
It's just business.

LORELAI
Oh, my God. I'm so sick of hearing people say that.

JASON
You know I wouldn't do this if I didn't have to.

LORELAI
You don't have to.

JASON
If I intend to continue working in my chosen profession, then, yeah, I have to.

LORELAI
Don't be just a business guy. Put this on another level. Please.

JASON
I can't.

LORELAI
Unbelievable.

JASON
Lorelai... I have no choice. I have to fight back.

LORELAI
Jason...

JASON
I will keep you out of this. I promise.

LORELAI
I can't be with someone who's suing my family.

JASON
Lorelai, come on.

LORELAI
I'm sorry.

JASON
You saw what your father did to me.

LORELAI
I know what he did to you.

JASON
And he is not gonna stop until there's nothing left.

LORELAI
I'm asking you not to do this.

JASON
Ask me something else. Anything else.

LORELAI
This is what I want.

JASON
You know how hard I work. My job is who I am. I can't lose everything. You have to understand why I'm doing this.

LORELAI
I do understand. But I can't be with someone who's suing my family.

JASON
Lorelai...

After a long pause, Lorelai quietly picks up her purse and walks out without looking back.

>_END OF SHOW_<