The Annotated Guide to Gilmore girls

>_TEASER_<

INT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Lorelai, Rory and Emily are silently sitting at the table staring at the food.

LORELAI
Mom?

EMILY
No.

LORELAI
We're starving.

EMILY
We're waiting for your father.

LORELAI
It's gonna get cold.

EMILY
We are waiting for your father.

LORELAI
We've been waiting forever.

EMILY
We have not been waiting forever.

LORELAI
Forever. Godot was just here. He said "I ain't waiting for Richard," grabbed a roll, and left. It's been forever.

EMILY
When we gather as a family, we eat as a family. We don't eat in shifts - you know that and Richard certainly knows that.

RORY
When did he get that antique car anyhow?

EMILY
A couple of horrible weeks ago.

LORELAI
What happened to the oil painting hobby of his?

Lorelai sneeks something out of her purse that's hanging on the back of her chair.

EMILY
Ah, you know your father. When he couldn't foresee rivaling Cezanne, he lost interest so he bought that car. Lorelai!

Lorelai spits out the piece of candy she was about to eat.

LORELAI
Mom, it's not dinner, it's just my private stash.

EMILY
It's eating and we're not eating.

LORELAI
You know, you're bound by the rules of the Geneva Convention, Mother, just like everyone else. Hey, no one told me it was casual Friday.

Richard walks into the dining room wearing a dirty overall.

RICHARD
Hello everyone. You haven't started?

EMILY
Of course we haven't started, we were waiting for you. I thought you were almost done.

RICHARD
Well, I was but this car has a mind of its own. As I turned to leave it began spraying some sort of green solution at me.

RORY
Yuck.

RICHARD
Yuck, indeed. Well, go on, start.

LORELAI
Ooh!

RICHARD
No sense in waiting for me.

Richard turns to leave.

LORELAI
Coolness!

Lorelai sticks her fork into a piece of meat.

EMILY
Stop!

LORELAI
Gomer said!

EMILY
(to Richard)
We are waiting for you, Richard. In thirty-five years, I have never ever started a dinner without you unless you were out of town or seriously ill.
(calling to the maid)
Elsa, take everything away and keep it warm!
(to Richard)
Now please go upstairs and get ready so we can all enjoy a nice family dinner... together.

RICHARD
I'll be right back.

LORELAI
Right back, Dad, like right back. In fact, change on the way upstairs. And make it a Navy shower - quick soap, quick rinse and no excessive posing! 

The maid comes and takes away the food.

LORELAI
Hungry.

>_END OF TEASER_<

===

INT. STARS HOLLOW: LUKE'S, DINER - DAY

Rory and Lorelai walk in. Luke is standing by the door serving customers.

LORELAI
(to Luke)
Hey there. Anywhere?

LUKE
Anywhere you want.

Lorelai turns to the table next to a door where a custom is reading a newspaper.

LORELAI
(to customer)
Could you move please?

CUSTOMER
What?

Luke intervenes.

LUKE
(to Lorelai)
Anywhere where there's not people.

LORELAI
(to Luke)
Oh, well, like I'm a mind reader.
(to customer)
I was just joking.

Rory and Lorelai walk to the next table.
 
LORELAI
Hmm, that's funny.

RORY
What?

LORELAI
Something's different here, something's changed.

RORY
Impossible.

LORELAI
No, I swear, there's something.

RORY
You know, I'd be very disappointed if something changed in here.

They sit down at the table.

LORELAI
Why are you so anti-change?

RORY
Because most change sucks.

LORELAI
That's true, it does. Uh! The chalkboard!

RORY
What about it?

They look at the chalkboard above the door to the kitchen. It says "Luke's Special Omlette $4.75".

LORELAI
Luke's special omelet. That is brand new.

RORY
A new special? His four-slice French toast has been up there since I was born!

LORELAI
You just gotta let that go, baby.

Luke walks up to them.

LUKE
What can I get you?

LORELAI
You have a new special.

LUKE
I sure do.

LORELAI
Nice. What is the special omelet?

LUKE
You won't like it.

LORELAI
How do you know?

LUKE
Because you've been eating here for years and I know what you like, and you won't like it.

LORELAI
Can I at least hear what it is?

LUKE
Fine. It's three eggs with bits of bacon.

LORELAI
I like bacon.

LUKE
Cubed tomatoes.

LORELAI
Sounds good.

LUKE
Swiss cheese and a dash of oregano.

LORELAI
A dash, he says.

LUKE
I've got other customers here.

LORELAI
I'm gonna go with the special omelet.

LUKE
Okay.

LORELAI
With a side of bacon.

LUKE
There's bacon in the omelet.

LORELAI
Oh, then skip the bacon.

LUKE
The side of bacon?

LORELAI
The bacon in the omelet.

LUKE
Hold the bacon.

LORELAI
Can I get Jack cheese?

LUKE
On the side?

LORELAI
Instead of Swiss, Swiss is so stringy.

LUKE
Fine, Jack cheese.

LORELAI
Also, I think I'm allergic to oregano so hold that, too, and some coffee.

LUKE
So, just the eggs, tomatoes, and Jack cheese.

LORELAI
Not too many tomatoes.

LUKE
Light on the tomatoes.

LORELAI
Very light, just a teeny-tiny amount, practically none.

LUKE
I'm skipping the tomatoes. It's an omelet with Jack cheese.

LORELAI
Perfect.

LUKE
You did this on purpose.

LORELAI
Did what?

RORY
French toast for me.

Luke walks off.

RORY
(to Lorelai)
That was cruel.

LORELAI
I know. Look how hard he worked on that sign and everything. Look at the handwriting, it's so precise, so determined. It's focused-Luke.

RORY
That's Jess' handwriting.

LORELAI
Really? How do you know Jess' writing?

RORY
Oh, well, I lent him a book and he wrote some stuff in it.

LORELAI
He vandalized one of your books?

RORY
No, he didn't vandalize it. He wrote in the margins, thoughts and stuff.

LORELAI
Like what, like play basketball, eat a sandwich - stuff like that?

RORY
No, stuff, like margin stuff. People like Mark Twain wrote in margins.

LORELAI
Pilot a steamboat, write Huckleberry Finn?

RORY
Forget it.

LORELAI
No, no, I'm sure margin writing is very common. Oh, hey, you didn't tell me Dean was joining us.

RORY
Dean?

Dean walks up to them.

LORELAI
Hey.

DEAN
Hi.

Dean kisses Rory.

RORY
What are you doing here?

DEAN
I just dropped by to say hello.

RORY
How'd you know we were here?

DEAN
‘Cause you're always here.

RORY
We're not always here.

LORELAI
Uh, do you wanna eat with us, Dean?

DEAN
Rory?

RORY
Huh?

DEAN
Is that okay?

RORY
Yes. Oh, yes, you don't have to ask.

Luke is standing next to the table.

LORELAI
(to Luke)
Hey, we're three.

LUKE
I did the math.
(to Dean)
You gonna eat something?

DEAN
Sure, yeah, I'll take the special omelet, I guess.

Lorelai and Rory start laughing.

LUKE
(to Lorelai)
You put him up to this?

LORELAI
No, I did not!

LUKE
Sure. You don't even know what's in it.

DEAN
I'm not picky.

LUKE
So you'll send it back after I make it?

DEAN
No.

LUKE
Right. I'll come back when I've got time for this.

Luke leaves.

DEAN
What was that all about?

LORELAI
I think it was a little something in your attitude, mister.

CUT TO:

INT. HARTFORD: CHILTON, CLASSROOM - DAY

The students are sitting in several separate groups around the classroom. Rory, Paris, Madeline and Louise are in one group together with a male student named Chip.

RORY
So is everything in the materials clear to everyone?

CHIP
Pretty much.

LOUISE
Oh, were we reading these now?

RORY
Yeah, that's why we've all been kind of quiet for the past ten minutes.

LOUISE
I thought it was, like, prayer time or something.

PARIS
Good grief.

MADELINE
I'm still reading mine.

PARIS
What?

MADELINE
I read slow so I don't miss anything.

PARIS
It's not the Bhagavad Gita, Madeline. It's simple instructions for the business fair.

LOUISE
Someone's not taking to Elba too kindly.

PARIS
What does that mean?

LOUISE
Just that Rory's the leader of this group, Napoleon, and you're not.

PARIS
Excuse me, leader? You wanna lead here, you've got anarchy.

RORY
I'm just enjoying the show.

Brad walks up to the group.

BRAD
Hi, I think this is my group.

RORY
Brad, hey.

BRAD
Oh, you remember me.

RORY
Of course I do.

BRAD
Cool.

RORY
So you're back at Chilton now?

BRAD
Oh, yeah. My psychiatrist convinced my parents that I should face my fears instead of running away from them and my rabbi agreed, so here I am.

RORY
Well, nice to have you back. Take a seat.

Brad sits down next to Paris. She stares at him.

BRAD
(to Paris)
Paris.

No reponse.

BRAD
(to Rory)
Her name is Paris, right?

RORY
Brad, let me catch you up here. There's going to be an intra-school business fair in three weeks. Each group has to come up with a consumer product that's geared toward high school kids.

BRAD
Neat.

RORY
So we pick our product and we make a prototype of it, then we use our imaginary million dollar budget to mass produce, market, and distribute it, and we'll present all of this at the fair.

BRAD
Cool.

PARIS
Hey Brad? Your festive interjections are a real kick in the pants, but we're low on time, so can it.

RORY
That's it. In two days we're going to reconvene and pitch product ideas.

LOUISE
Class dismissed?

PARIS
Whoa, whoa, whoa, we haven't even discussed business advisors.

RORY
Right. We're supposed to get a parent who's in business to advise us. Anyone score?

CHIP
My dad's got scheduling conflicts up the wazoo.

RORY
No for Chip.

PARIS
My dad's in Hong Kong for the month but he can video-conference in if need be.

RORY
No for Paris.

MADELINE
My dad's traveling.

LOUISE
My dad's in court for the next six weeks.

RORY
Lawyer?

LOUISE
Defendant.

RORY
We won't pry.

LOUISE
I have no idea what he's up on anyway.

RORY
And no one's mom works?

MADELINE
Working moms are so nineties.

BRAD
My mom works. She's a curator at the Hartford Natural Museum.

PARIS
We need experienced business advisors, Brad - not someone who poses animal carcasses.

MADELINE
What about your mom?

RORY
My mom?

PARIS
Yeah, that's right. She runs a hotel.

RORY
It's just an inn, a small inn.

MADELINE
It's still a business.

CHIP
She must keep books and stuff, right?

RORY
Yeah, but they're really small books.

PARIS
Look, it's not perfect but it's a better option than Brad's mom, the buffalo stuffer.

BRAD
She doesn't stuff the animals. That's taxidermy.

PARIS
Who is this rabbi that encouraged you to come back here? Give me his address, I'm gonna go over there and pop him one.

RORY
Okay, hold it. Now, I don't think my mom is right for this.

PARIS
Well, she's all we've got so you need to do whatever it takes to make it happen, otherwise maybe you shouldn't be the group leader.

LOUISE
A coup d'état, how exciting.

RORY
There's no coup d'état. I'll ask her.

PARIS
Good.

They all get up.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: INDEPENDENCE INN, KITCHEN - DAY

Sookie is stirring a bowl of meringue.

SOOKIE
Thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two...

Lorelai walks in with a box.

LORELAI
Sookie, look!

SOOKIE
Thirty-three, thirty-four, thirty-five, can't look, I'm making meringue, thirty-seven, fine science.

LORELAI
You got a package!

SOOKIE
Thirty-nine, gotta count, forty, can't over-whip.

LORELAI
I think it's your wedding invitations!

SOOKIE
Whoooooo!

Sookie jumps up in excitement sending the bowl of meringue flying through the kitchen.

SOOKIE
Gimme it! Ohh, I wanna see ‘em! Oh, you're gonna love these.

She opens the box.

SOOKIE
They're pearly white with this beautiful lavender stripe--

They pull some of the invitations out.

LORELAI
Aw.

SOOKIE
I'm gonna choke somebody by the neck until brains ooze out of their ears.

LORELAI
What, they're beautiful.

SOOKIE
The name, look at the name.

LORELAI
The marriage of his daughter...

SOOKIE
Susie St. James.

LORELAI^
Susie St. James.

SOOKIE
Who is Susie St. James?

LORELAI
I think it's you.

SOOKIE
What am I gonna do?

LORELAI
It can be changed.

SOOKIE
No, and these have to go out in a week.

LORELAI
We're calling right now.

Lorelai dials the number on the box.

SOOKIE
I am so not a Susie.

Michel walks in.

MICHEL
Good morning, beautiful morning.

SOOKIE
It sucks from where I'm sitting.

MICHEL
Heartbreak. Lorelai, do you remember I have tomorrow afternoon off?

LORELAI
I remember, big plans?

MICHEL
Yes, my mother is coming to visit.

LORELAI
(into phone)
Hello, yes, customer service please, thanks.
(to Michel)
Sorry.

MICHEL
About what?

LORELAI
You said your mother's coming for a visit.

MICHEL
But I'm excited, I never get to see her.

LORELAI
Oh, I must be projecting.
(fake excited)
Your mother's coming for a visit!

MICHEL
She's coming down for three days.

LORELAI
Is she staying here?

MICHEL
No. She stays with me, of course.

LORELAI
In your tiny place?

MICHEL
Oh, she's fine with it. I mean, we stay up all night gabbing and watching movies. We have a ball.

LORELAI
Wow, I can't wait to meet her.
(into phone)
Oh, hello.

Michel leaves.

LORELAI
(into phone)
Yes, we have a problem with some wedding invitations we ordered.
(pause)
Okay.
(to Sookie)
They're transferring me.

SOOKIE
I heard that.

LORELAI
He's really happy about his mother coming to visit.

SOOKIE
I heard that, too.

LORELAI
Totally foreign to me.
(into phone)
Hi. Oh great, I'm gonna pass you over to my friend who has a problem with some merchandise she ordered. Hold on one sec.

Lorelai covers the phone.

LORELAI
(to Sookie)
Listen to me, I've had a lot of experience dealing with people who have screwed something up. You have a better chance of getting them to help you if you don't get all hysterical.

SOOKIE
Okay.

LORELAI
Okay.

Lorelai hands her the phone.

SOOKIE
(into phone)
How dare you do this to me! You're ruining my wedding! It's the most important day of my life! It's my life, it's not Susie St. James, are you listening to me?

LORELAI
Good girl.

SOOKIE
You better be listening to me! Do you - look, no, you be quiet, listen!

Lorelai leaves for:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: INDEPENDENCE INN, LOBBY - DAY

Lorelai walks through the lobby. Rory is there.

RORY
Hey.

LORELAI
Oh, hi. Thought you couldn't get here ‘til later.

RORY
Our Franklin meeting didn't go as long as I thought it would.

They walk to the front desk.

LORELAI
Well, lucky for me, more work for you.

Lorelai puts a folder on the front desk.

LORELAI
Here, chronological order, please. So how was your day?

Rory opens the folder and starts sorting.

RORY
I got an A on my physics test.

LORELAI
Aw.

RORY
And I finished Candide and I convinced a boy that Paris would probably never attack his rabbi.

LORELAI
So uneventful, huh?

RORY
Pretty much. Mom, um, I know you're probably not gonna wanna do this.

LORELAI
Yes, I will... unless it's something that I don't wanna do.

RORY
Do you wanna be the parent advisor on my economics project?

LORELAI
Ooh, Rory, gosh.

RORY
I'm kind of in a spot.

LORELAI
No one else can do it?

RORY
Nope.

LORELAI
You checked?

RORY
Yes.

LORELAI
You double checked?

RORY
Yes.

LORELAI
And no one else can do it so you came slumming after me and I'm your last choice?

RORY
Of course.

LORELAI
I appreciate that.

RORY
I'm totally stuck.

LORELAI
Well, if you're stuck, I'll do it.

RORY
Thanks.

LORELAI
But - ooh, hey, what about your grandfather, retired business titan?

RORY
What about him?

LORELAI
He'd be perfect.

RORY
But this is a business project and the word business has been kind of taboo in that house since he left the firm. Asking him might remind him of that and upset him.

LORELAI
Or he'll be thrilled that you thought of him.

RORY
Hm, you're not just saying that because you don't wanna do it?

LORELAI
No, I really think he would enjoy helping you. You would be doing me a big favor ‘cause then I wouldn't have to feel guilty about being so reluctant to help you out myself.

RORY
All right, I'll give it a shot.

LORELAI
Good girl.

RORY
Would you really have felt guilty?

LORELAI
No, but I would've felt guilty about not feeling guilty and you can see how that could just go on forever.

RORY
Miss Gilmore and the vicious circle.

LORELAI
Mm-hmm.

CUT TO:

EXT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, GARAGE - DAY

Richard is outside working on his antique car as Rory walks up to him.

RORY
Hey Grandpa.

RICHARD
Rory, this is a surprise.

RORY
I was just in the area and I thought I'd pay a call.

RICHARD
Well, how very continental of you. I would hug you, but I have various forms of viscous fluid on my clothing.

RORY
I'll take a rain check.

RICHARD
Very good.

RORY
How's she running?

RICHARD
Ah, she's a bit, oh, obstinate today.

RORY
Well, girls can get that way.

Richard start tinkering again.

RICHARD
Mm, indeed. So you were in the neighborhood?

RORY
Yeah, and I actually have a little favor to ask you, if it's okay.

RICHARD
Oh, ask away.

RORY
Okay. There's this project at school and, uh, it's for my economics class.

RICHARD
Good subject, pragmatic.

RORY
Yeah, and we have to come up with a consumer product, all make believe, and there's sort of a contest at the end and we sort of need an advisor.

RICHARD
An advisor?

RORY
Yeah, someone who's experienced in business who can come to a few meetings, make suggestions. I mean, I totally understand if you can't do it, but I just thought I would ask.

RICHARD
Well, I'm not sure how much help I could be. I've never actually created a consumer product.

RORY
That's okay, we kids haven't either.

RICHARD
Yes, I suppose you haven't.

RORY
If you can't do it or if you don't wanna do it, I totally understand.

RICHARD
Well, things are a little bit hectic right now.

RORY
Oh, yeah, I know.

RICHARD
And it is short notice, after all.

RORY
Very short, very short. Um, you know what, forget I even asked.

Emily walks up to them.

EMILY
Rory, I didn't know you were here!

RORY
Hi Grandma.

They hug.

EMILY
You didn't hug your grandfather, did you?

RORY
I took a rain check. Well, I better go.

EMILY
But you just got here. We have cookies, would you like cookies?

RORY
No, thank you. Mom's expecting me at the inn.
(to Richard)
And Grandpa, really, don't worry about it. I just thought I would ask.

RICHARD
I'm fine, Rory. Thank you for asking.

RORY
Bye.

Rory leaves.

EMILY
Ask what, what did she ask?

RICHARD
Oh, something for her economics class. It's nothing really.

EMILY
That doesn't sound like nothing. What about her economics class? Is she having trouble?

RICHARD
No, Emily. She merely asked me to participate in some, uh, project at school and I respectfully declined.

EMILY
You declined?

RICHARD
Leave it, Emily.

EMILY
Why did you decline?

RICHARD
Let's talk about it later, Emily. I'm busy.

EMILY
Busy? You've been poking around that stupid engine for the last three weeks and all it does is spray at you. You're not too busy.

RICHARD
Emily, I am in the middle of something here and I don't expect you to understand it.

EMILY
You're not going to help her?

RICHARD
Can we talk about this later?

EMILY
Well, I never thought I'd see the day.

RICHARD
What day?

EMILY
The day Richard Gilmore would disappoint his granddaughter like this.

RICHARD
Oh, Emily, please.

EMILY
So, tell me Richard, is this how it's going to be from now on?

RICHARD
What are you talking about?

EMILY
I just want to know what to expect from you. Because the bouncing from one thing to another, the moping and silence in your den for days, all of that I accepted... but your turning your back on Rory!

RICHARD
I did not turn my back on her.

EMILY
You adore that little girl, she means everything to you, remember?

RICHARD
Emily!

EMILY
Are you that lost?

Richard turns on classical music.

EMILY
(yelling)
I'm incredibly disappointed in you Richard!

Emily walks away.

CUT TO:

EXT. STARS HOLLOW: TOWN SQUARE - DAY

Rory and Lane are walking past the gazebo. Lane is holding a piece of paper in her hands.

LANE
Sales!

RORY
Lane.

LANE
Sales!

RORY
It's just a stupid test.

LANE
Lane Kim, you have shown a genuine aptitude for sales.

RORY
It doesn't mean anything.

LANE
Hello ma'am, I see you're eyeing the Whip-o-Matic, nice choice! This baby's right off the truck, and let me tell you, if you're looking for something to fulfill all your whipping needs, you've come to the right place because as Devo says - if a problem comes along you must whip it, as long as you whip it with a Whip-o-Matic!

RORY
Wow, you are good.

LANE
Stop it.

RORY
I'll take two.

LANE
I don't wanna be in sales!

RORY
You don't have to be.

LANE
I wanna do something cool.

RORY
Sell refrigerators.

LANE
You are not funny.

They cross the street to:

EXT. STARS HOLLOW: DOOSE'S MARKET - DAY

RORY
Look, you are taking this aptitude test way too seriously.

LANE
It's the fourth time I've taken it and it's the fourth time it's come up sales.

RORY
Lane, in ten years, we will be having lunch in Paris and we will not be discussing whether or not you made your quota.

Behind them Dean walks out of Doose's market.

LANE
Right, so I'm gonna be a sucky salesman?

RORY
Changing subject now.

DEAN
Hey.

Rory and Lane turn around.

RORY
Oh, hey.

DEAN
How are ya, Lane?

LANE
Only as good as my last sale, Dean.

RORY
Ignore her, she's lost her mind.

DEAN
Got it. So, uh, what are you doing?

RORY
We're going over to Sissy's to buy some shoes.

LANE
And pick up a job application.

RORY
You will now face the wall quietly please.

DEAN
Well, after you're done shoe shopping, come by my softball game.

RORY
Oh, well...

DEAN
You haven't been to a game in awhile.

RORY
I know, but--

DEAN
You said you missed seeing them.

RORY
I do, but I thought we were getting together tonight.

DEAN
We are.

RORY
Well, then I should really get my philosophy homework out of the way.

DEAN
Do it at the game.

RORY
My homework?

DEAN
Yeah.

RORY
But if I'm doing my homework, doesn't that defeat the point of going to see you play?

DEAN
You can't glance up in between nihilistic theories?

RORY
I can, but what's the point?

DEAN
What?

RORY
Why don't I do my homework at home and I will go see you play next week.

DEAN
Well, I--

RORY
I promise I'll be there.

DEAN
Okay, sure.

RORY
Great, so, tonight?

DEAN
Yeah, I'll be by at seven.

RORY
Okay. So, have a good game. Do that pointing to the outfield thing, that's always very popular.

DEAN
I will.

He kisses Rory.

DEAN
Bye Lane.

LANE
Come again soon.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: INDEPENDENCE INN, LOBBY - DAY

At the front desk, Michel is giving Lorelai some papers to sign.

MICHEL
Here and here.

LORELAI
What--

MICHEL
Cleaning supply order. Here.

LORELAI
That's the-- 

MICHEL
Staff insurance forms. Initial here, date it here.

LORELAI
And I just--

MICHEL
You just okayed the vaccination of all those filthy ducks in the south pond.

LORELAI
Oh, aren't I nice.

MICHEL
Yes, a regular Dr. Dolittle.

Michel's mother walks into the inn.

GISELLE
Uh! Michel!

MICHEL
Zeelee!

GISELLE
Ah! Mon dieu, you are gorgeous! Come, come! Embrassez maman!

He hugs his mom.

MICHEL
Maman, j'aime ton visite. What are you doing here? I was going to pick you up at the airport, you wicked creature.

GISELLE
I had to come early. I wanted to buy presents before I see you since I know you are a materialistic vulture. All right, back up.

Michel takes a step back and spins for her.

GISELLE
Turn turn turn. Thank God I have the perfect son. If you had been ugly, I don't know what I would've done.

MICHEL
Boarding school?

GISELLE
In Switzerland.

MICHEL
Come.

They walk to the front desk.

MICHEL
Lorelai, this is my mother, Giselle.

LORELAI
Well, it's very nice to meet you.

They shake hands.

GISELLE
Oh my God, those eyes. Are they real?

LORELAI
Yes, they are.

GISELLE
Well, then, if there's a God, he is terribly cruel to bestow those eyes and that face to one person.

LORELAI
I'm sorry, can you be my mom, too?

MICHEL
I'm going to show her around, okay?

LORELAI
Yeah, make sure you see Sookie.

MICHEL
Why?

LORELAI
Sookie wants to meet your mom.

GISELLE
Yes, Michel, I must meet your friends. I did not raise you to be rude.

MICHEL
You did, too.

GISELLE
I did, didn't I? Come, show me off.

They walk away from the front desk.

MICHEL
Oh, have you been using those free weights I sent you?

GISELLE
Yes, they hold down my papers beautifully.

MICHEL
A lazy, silly woman.

GISELLE
A cruel and vicious boy, I'm so proud.

CUT TO:

INT. HARTFORD: CHILTON, HALLWAY - DAY

Rory and Richard walk down the hall toward a classroom.

RORY
I really appreciate you doing this, Grandpa.

RICHARD
Oh, well, of course.

RORY
I mean, I know you weren't really thrilled with the idea.

RICHARD
No, no, no, no, that's not true.

RORY
But I told everybody to have their idea pitches prepared so that we can get you in and out of there as quickly as possible.

RICHARD
Rory, this is an assignment. We will give it the time that it requires.

RORY
Okay.

RICHARD
However, efficient is always best.

RORY
I totally understand.

They walk into:

INT. HARTFORD: CHILTON, CLASSROOM - DAY

They walk up to the group.

RORY
Hey. Everyone, this is my grandfather, Richard Gilmore. This is Louise, Madeline, Paris, Brad, and Chip.

RICHARD
Nice to meet you all.

RORY
So, do you wanna say a few words before we start?

Everyone sits down.

RICHARD
Uh, oh, no no no, I'm here to advise. I'll uh... I'll sit back here and observe and advise, uh, if necessary.

RORY
Okay. So I guess we can start with the idea pitches. Who wants to go first?

LOUISE
I will.

RORY
Okay, Louise has the floor.

LOUISE
I couldn't find my new lip gloss this morning. I had just bought it and it's the perfect shade of pink. Plus, it has this major shine with minor stickiness, meaning no fear of your hair attaching itself to your face when the wind kicks up.

MADELINE
A coup.

LOUISE
I know. So, of course, fifteen minutes later, tardy and glossless, I left the house and I had to rely on Madeline for my source of lip color for the day. Not an ideal solution.

MADELINE
Major skin tone mismatch.

PARIS
I'm sorry, group leader, could you ask the Pigeon sisters if there is a point to this opus?

RORY
Louise, what's your idea?

LOUISE
A lipstick Lo-Jack.

RORY
Excuse me?

LOUISE
A lipstick tracking device. You attach it to a tube and you hook it up to a remote and next time you're searching, you just point and shoot.

MADELINE
I'd buy one.

RORY
Okay, um, Louise, that's a very interesting idea, but I think we should think of something that appeals to both boys and girls. Anyone else?

MADELINE
Okay, I've got one - a locker robot. It would talk and tell you facts, help you with your homework, carry your stuff. And you could fit it in your locker until you're ready to go home.

RORY
Okay, but that means that we would actually have to build a robot.

MADELINE
Yes, we would.

RORY
Who knows how to do that?

MADELINE
I don't know.

She points to Brad.

MADELINE
He looks like he should know.

BRAD
I've never built a robot.

LOUISE
But you've tried, haven't you?

BRAD
Yes, I have.

RORY
Okay, let's just try to keep the ideas down to things that we can actually accomplish.

Paris stands up.

RORY
And I guess Paris is next.

Paris hands out binders to everyone.

PARIS
The average teenager spends seven hours a day at school. Seven hours where he or she is busy walking from class to class - indoors, outdoors, in all types of weather. At the same time, that same teenager is going through major physical changes within his or her own body. The combo of the action with the environment in addition to the hormonal imbalance can only lead to one thing - accidents.

MADELINE
What are you talking about?

PARIS
Monday morning, Muffin wakes up and looks in the mirror. "Oh no, I have a zit on my face. I'll just look down when I walk so hunky football player won't notice.' And bam - Muffin smacks right into the cafeteria wall. Ouch, that's gotta hurt.

MADELINE
Who's Muffin?

PARIS
This is why I'm proposing manufacturing something that no teenager should be without - a first aid kit.

LOUISE
A first aid kit?

PARIS
Specially designed to fit in a locker with minimum space disruption. Bandaids, antiseptic, cotton balls, q-tips, ace bandages, aspirin.

RORY
I don't know, it's possible. Does anyone have any questions about it?

RICHARD
They sell these things in every drug store, do they not?

PARIS
Yes, they do.

RICHARD
There's also a registered nurse on every campus. Her office would contain the products that you're talking about, correct?

PARIS
Possibly.

RICHARD
Well, what makes you think you can get a young person to spend good money on something that they could get for free, or at least at a lower cost?

PARIS
Because I know one thing about the modern teenager.

RICHARD
And what is that?

PARIS
That you can get them to buy anything as long as it comes in a leopard print.

LOUISE
True.

MADELINE
Very true.

PARIS
We get them with style. We dress up the kits with sparkles, colors, pictures of bands. Sport themes for the boys, animal pictures for the puppy and unicorn bunch, chess boards for the Bobby Fischer freaks - a style for every taste. Plus, we use neon bandaids, pink or blue gauze for the bandages, anything that seems young or flashy or bright.

RICHARD
And that is how you intend to set the business world on its ear?

PARIS
That's right.

RICHARD
Tricked out first aid kits?

PARIS
For the locker.

RICHARD
And you really think that's going to work?

PARIS
Yes, I do.

RICHARD
So do I.

PARIS
Really?

RICHARD
It's perfect. It's simple, it's easy to produce, the possibilities are endless. I love it.

RORY
Well, I think we've got our product.

RICHARD
Now, we need to go through this point by point.

PARIS
Okay, let's do it.

RICHARD
Now, the secret to a great campaign is a great idea. Now, we've got that, let's move on to finances. Um, uh, do any of you have dinner plans, because we're gonna be here for awhile. Let's all turn to page four. Here we go. Now, the January projections...

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: LORELAI'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Lorelai is sitting on the couch reading (The Dirt: Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band). The phone is ringing.

LORELAI
Agh!

Rory walks through the front door.

RORY
Hey.

LORELAI
Gah!

Rory walks into the living room.

RORY
Mom!

Rory drops her stuff on the floor and picks up the phone.

RORY
(into phone)
Hello?

The call has hung up. She sighs.

RORY
That ringing is not in your head, you know.

LORELAI
Uh, you've gotta read this Motley Crue book.

Rory sits down on the couch next to Lorelai.

LORELAI
I swear, you get to the point where Ozzy Osbourne snorts a row of ants and you think, it cannot get any grosser, and then you turn the page and oh, hello, yes it can! It's excellent!

RORY
Why didn't you answer the phone?

LORELAI
Because I firmly believe that once you've experienced something five thousand times, you need to move on.

RORY
What are you talking about?

LORELAI
I knew who it was.

RORY
Who was it?

LORELAI
The same person who's called the machine so many times now that I actually heard it sigh.

RORY
Dean?

LORELAI
Dean the determined.

RORY
Oh man.

The phone rings.

LORELAI
Five bucks says I know who that is.

Rory picks up the phone.

RORY
(into phone)
Hello?

INT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, RICHARD'S STUDY - NIGHT

Richard is sitting in an armchair.

RICHARD
(into phone)
Rory, it's your grandfather.

.INTERCUT - PHONE CONVERSATION

RORY
(into phone)
Oh, hey Grandpa.

Rory holds out her hand.

LORELAI
He did that on purpose.

Lorelai gets her purse.

RICHARD
I'd like to discuss tomorrow's meeting.

RORY
Okay.

RICHARD
I was thinking that we should relocate.

RORY
Midtown?

RICHARD
Here.

RORY
Your house?

RICHARD
It'll be more comfortable with infinitely better snacks.

Lorelai hands Rory the five bucks.

RORY
Yeah, that sounds great.

RICHARD
Wonderful. I'll call the group.

RORY
Okay, well, then I guess I'll see you tomorrow.

RICHARD
Tomorrow.

RORY
Bye.

Rory hangs up.

LORELAI
What'd he want?

RORY
He wanted to move the location of our meeting to his house tomorrow and to cost you five bucks.

LORELAI
So that's going well, huh, Grandpa doing that thing with you at school?

RORY
Yeah, I think he's having fun with it.

LORELAI
See? Did your brilliant mother call it or what?

RORY
Yes, she did.

LORELAI
You're damn lucky to have that magnificent woman in your life, you know that, don't you?

RORY
It's whispered in my ear every night when I'm about to go to sleep.

LORELAI
Well, you won't let me write it in your underwear anymore. Hey, check the machine so I can erase the messages.

RORY
Oh, right.

Rory goes to the answering machine. Lorelai goes back to reading.

LORELAI
Agh!

DEAN
(on answering machine)
Hey, it's me. Uh, it's four o'clock, call me when you got home.
(beep)
Hey, uh, it's four thirty. I'm home, call me.
(beep)
It's quarter to five - where are you? I'll try paging you.
(beep)
It's five-thirty. Did you get my page? Call with the answer.

RORY
They are not all from him.

DEAN
(on answering machine)
Hey, I totally forgot you were getting home at six.

LORELAI
And yet, oddly, even after remembering that information...

DEAN
(on answering machine)
Hey, it's five forty-five and I just thought I'd see if you got home early.

LORELAI
I swear, that boy would make a good drinking game.

RORY
This is crazy. Ten messages?

LORELAI
Plus the four that I took from him personally before I stopped answering the phone.

RORY
Right.

LORELAI
Honey, you gotta ease up on that love potion you've been giving him or he's gonna start showing up at David Letterman's house soon.

RORY
Ugh.

LORELAI
What's the matter?

RORY
Fourteen messages.

LORELAI
Yeah, so, it's a little--

RORY
It's a little too much.

LORELAI
So, what's up? Are you guys fighting or something?

RORY
What are you talking about?

LORELAI
I mean, did something happen to set off the phone craze?

RORY
No, everything's been fine, everything's been calm. No more incidents, I don't get it.

LORELAI
Well, if I had to guess, I would say he's feeling a little insecure about something.

RORY
But why?

LORELAI
Rory.

RORY
But I spend every free moment with him, I call him, I page him.

LORELAI
I know, you've been good.

RORY
And nothing seems to be enough, nothing seems to make things normal again.

LORELAI
Give it some time.

RORY
I just want things to be the way they were.

LORELAI
Oh, honey, relationships are hard. Sometimes you go through a weird patch and things get funky for a little while, but just give it a chance. Ride it out, things will calm down again.

RORY
I hope so. I'm gonna erase the messages.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: INDEPENDENCE INN, LOBBY - DAY

Lorelai is at the front desk as Michel and his mother walk into the inn laughing.

GISELLE
Oh, stop it, stop making me laugh! You are trying to kill me! You are trying to make your mother laugh herself to death so you can get away with a grisly crime.

MICHEL
Your mind is evil.

GISELLE
Your soul is empty.

MICHEL
You want some coffee, Zeelee?

GISELLE
Yes, darling, thank you.

MICHEL
I'll be right back.

Michel walks off. Giselle walks up to Lorelai at the front desk.

GISELLE
Ah, hello, blue eyes.

LORELAI
Hi Giselle. How was lunch?

GISELLE
Ah, champagne, caviar, the usual.

LORELAI
Ah, sure.

GISELLE
And then came out the pasta with terrible things in it. It was perfect.

LORELAI
You seem to be having a wonderful time.

GISELLE
I am. I will miss him so much when I go home, but thank goodness, he will have an extra five pounds to remember me by after eating all my pasta today, that dirty thieving boy.

LORELAI
Michel ate pasta?

GISELLE
Well, yes. Michel loves pasta, he eats it all the time.

LORELAI
Not around us. Here it's all no-carb, low-cal, let me see if I can eat less than the lab rats do.

GISELLE
Lab rats?

LORELAI
Better not explained. Anyway, I'm glad you've got him eating pasta, he seems really happy.

Michel arrives with a cup of coffee in hand.

MICHEL
Coffee, coffee, coffee.

GISELLE
Oh, mm, mm.

Giselle takes a sip.

GISELLE
This is horrible.

MICHEL
You will drink it and you will like it.

GISELLE
You are a curse.

MICHEL
Let's go shop.

GISELLE
Oh yes, let's go buy something completely useless and pay way too much money for it.

MICHEL
I love it.

GISELLE
(to Lorelai)
Au revoir.

MICHEL
(to Lorelai)
Au revoir.

They leave.

LORELAI
That is so wrong.

CUT TO:

EXT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, FRONT DOOR - DAY

Rory, Louise, Madeline, Brad and Chip walk to the front door.

RORY
We should've waited for Paris.

LOUISE
Hey, she's the one who threw a fit about leaving no later than 3:10.

RORY
But she could be standing outside the school right now waiting for us.

MADELINE
She has my cell number.

LOUISE
I thought you lost your phone.

MADELINE
I did. Oh.

RORY
We'll call her when we get inside.

Rory rings the doorbell.

BRAD
Tell her I wanted to wait, okay?

Paris answers the door.

RORY
Paris.

PARIS
Hey, you're right on time. Come on in.

RORY
Uh, okay.

They walk into:

INT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, FOYER - DAY

RICHARD (O.S.)
In the dining room, everyone.

They walk into:

INT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, DINING ROOM - DAY

Paris and Richard are standing behind the table which is set with binders. There's a flip chart beside them.

RORY
Wow.

RICHARD
Welcome, everyone, to the first official board meeting of the StyleAid Corporation. Will everyone please take a seat?

Every walks to their seats.

CHIP
I feel like Ivan Bosky.

RICHARD
Rory, you are group leader which translates into chairman of the board, which means you sit at the head of the table.

RORY
But that's where you sit.

RICHARD
No, not today. Come on.

He pulls back the chair. Rory sits down.

RICHARD
Now, at this point, I would like to turn the meeting over to Paris who will bring us up to date on our latest developments. Paris.

PARIS
Thank you, Richard. First, let me say that I'm glad to see you all here today, at the beginning of what I think is going to be a very exciting experiment.

Paris is walking around the meeting table.

BRAD
(to Chip)
She doesn't have a baseball bat in her hands, does she?

PARIS
Now, I'd like everyone to turn to page one in your presentation booklets.

Everyone opens their booklets. Brad picks up a pencil.

PARIS
(to Brad)
Hey, we haven't gotten to the pencil part yet.

BRAD
Oh, sorry.

PARIS
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the RX-2002.

Paris pulls up a small red metal case.

LOUISE
Nice.

RORY
Very nice.

Paris puts the case on the table.

PARIS
Now, listed in front of you are all the contents contained in the RX-2002, plus the additional style options, twelve in all. Every one of them waterproof, fireproof, and comes with a five-year warranty.

RICHARD
Which is longer than most of your high school careers.

PARIS
(to Rory)
He is funny.

RICHARD
Now there is also a deluxe model with extra features designed to personalize your kit even more specifically for your needs. There will be a snap-in CD case which can hold up to ten CDs, there's a lighted vanity mirror, and a divided compartment for makeup and knickknacks. A picture frame and a hidden mini vault for valuables which can be locked for safety.

PARIS
Terrific idea, Richard, really - top notch.

RICHARD
Thank you, Paris.

RORY
This is really amazing. I want one of these.

RICHARD
Exactly the point. Now, let's check in with our marketing department. Uh, Madeline, Louise - what have you got for us?

MADELINE
Okay, well, first we go for the obvious - magazines.

LOUISE
You know, Teen, Young Miss, Seventeen.

MADELINE
Spin and Rolling Stone, especially to hit the guys.

RICHARD
I hear that Jane magazine also has a young, hip following.

RORY
How do you know about Jane magazine?

RICHARD
I have my ways, young lady.

CHIP
We should also check about placing them in certain mall stores.

RICHARD
I also think we should go straight to the source.

PARIS
The schools?

RICHARD
Why not? School bulletin boards, websites. We can set up tables at football games and pep rallies.

Emily walks in.

EMILY
Well, how is everyone doing here?

RICHARD
Just fine, Emily.

EMILY
Good. Is there enough food?

RICHARD
Yes, there is plenty of food.

EMILY
What about ice cream? Would anyone like some ice cream?

RICHARD
Emily, we're in the middle of a business meeting.

EMILY
Oh, ah, well, I'm very sorry. Uh, go back to your business meeting.

RICHARD
Now, I think your projections for...

EMILY
(wisphering to Rory)
He's smiling.

RORY
(wisphering to Emily)
I know.

EMILY
(wisphering to Rory)
He's smiling and there's no oil on the carpet.

RORY
(wisphering to Emily)
Life is good.

EMILY
(wisphering to Rory)
Yes, it is.

RICHARD
Emily, please.

EMILY
I'm going, I'm going.

Emily leaves.

PARIS
Richard, do you have the third-year projections?

RICHARD
Well, yes, Paris, I do. I have them right here.

CUT TO:

EXT. STARS HOLLOW: LORELAI'S HOUSE, FRONT YARD - DAY

Lorelai pulls up to the house in the jeep. Dean is washing Rory's car. Lorelai gets out and walks up to Dean.

LORELAI
Dean.

DEAN
Hey.

LORELAI
Hey, how's it going?

DEAN
Uh, just washing Rory's car.

LORELAI
I can see that.

DEAN
Well, I mean, I came by to see her and she wasn't here, so I was just gonna wait on the porch but then I noticed that her car looked dirty, so I thought I'd wash it.

LORELAI
Mm hmm.

DEAN
Well, ‘cause sometimes things can get on your car like dirt and certain kinds of sap. It can get into your paint, makes it really hard to get off.

LORELAI
Sure.

DEAN
Even water spots, you know... after it rains, that can be a real problem.

LORELAI
Okay. Would you like a soda?

DEAN
No, I'm fine.

LORELAI
Let's go get a soda.

DEAN
But I have to wash--

LORELAI
Put the squirty water thing down and come on in the kitchen. Squirty thing down... that's it... come on.

They walk to the house.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: LORELAI'S HOUSE, KITCHEN - DAY

Dean and Lorelai walk through the back door.

DEAN
Look, I really didn't mean to bother you. I can just wait outside until Rory gets home.

LORELAI
Honey, Rory's working on her school project today.

DEAN
Oh yeah. I guess I forgot. I mean, she must've told me that she ... I'm sorry, I forgot.

LORELAI
That's okay.

DEAN
So, I'll just go.

LORELAI
No no, come here, just sit down for a sec, okay?

They sit down at the kitchen table.

LORELAI
Are you all right?

DEAN
Yeah, I'm fine. I just don't remember Rory telling me about her studying today. I swear I wouldn't have come over.

LORELAI
Can I maybe give you a little advice?

DEAN
Sure.

LORELAI
Okay. First, I just wanna tell you I think you are a great guy. You're so good to Rory. And even though I'd always hoped that she'd be the one girl in the world who wouldn't look at a boy until she was thirty-eight, I'm really glad she found you.

DEAN
Thanks.

LORELAI
And I know things have been a little off between you two lately.

DEAN
Did she say that?

LORELAI
No, I'm saying that. I can see it, and by the way, I get it. But sometimes when things are out of whack, it freaks us out a little and makes us feel like we're losing something that's really important and that scares us even more so we try really hard to hold onto whatever it is we think we're losing and sometimes we hold on a little too hard.

DEAN
Too hard?

LORELAI
Like calling ten times in a three hour period, too hard.

DEAN
Fourteen times.

LORELAI
Okay, now, see, I was gonna let you slide but hey - an honest man, I like that.

DEAN
You think I'm holding on too hard to Rory?

LORELAI
I don't think you mean to.

DEAN
You think I'm losing her?

LORELAI
I think you think you are.

DEAN
Well, I just feel like nothing I do is... you know, I just want things back the way they used to be.

LORELAI
I know you do, and they can be.

DEAN
How?

LORELAI
I know it sounds crazy but sometimes giving people a little bit of space is actually the best thing to do.

DEAN
Space?

LORELAI
Just a little.

DEAN
Like what? Like don't call her, don't see her?

LORELAI
No, just let her breathe, let her relax, let her come to you for a change.

DEAN
You're not telling me this to get rid of me, are you?

LORELAI
Please, if I was trying to get rid of you I would've started this conversation with, "Let me tell you about my family". I'm not telling you this to get rid of you, I'm telling you because I think it might help things between you guys. Just try it. If it doesn't work, I promise you can wash my car, too.

DEAN
Okay.

LORELAI
Do you want a soda?

DEAN
No, thanks. I'm gonna go.

Dean stands up.

DEAN
Uh, don't tell Rory I was here, okay?

LORELAI
Hey, I'm just sitting here at the table talking to myself... again.

DEAN
Thanks.

LORELAI
Bye Dean.

Dean leaves.

CUT TO:

INT. STARS HOLLOW: INDEPENDENCE INN, KITCHEN - DAY

Sookie is in the kitchen on the phone as Lorelai walks in.

SOOKIE
(into phone)
You know what, forget it! If that's how you run your business, then I deserve this for picking you in the first place. I hate you!

Sookie slams the phone down.

LORELAI
Hey.

SOOKIE
Okay, new plan for the invites. We're getting married May fifteenth, four o'clock, front lawn - pass it on.

LORELAI
Sookie.

SOOKIE
That's it, word of mouth. They used it for the Revolutionary War - who the hell am I to poopoo history, huh? I ask you.

Michel enters the kitchen.

MICHEL
(to Lorelai)
What the hell is wrong with you?

LORELAI
With me?

MICHEL
Yes, you! Are you out of your mind?

LORELAI
What are you talking about?

MICHEL
Why in God's name would you tell my mother that I do not eat carbs?

LORELAI
Because you don't.

MICHEL
That is private information, private about me.

LORELAI
Michel, everybody in Stars Hollow knows you don't eat carbs.

MICHEL
So what?

LORELAI
Calm down, have some toast.

MICHEL
Do not talk to my mother ever again, do you understand me?

LORELAI
No, I don't understand. Michel, you and your mother seem crazy about each other. I just assumed since you gave up carbs a year ago, she knew.

MICHEL
Yes, well, you know what happens when you assume.

LORELAI
What?

MICHEL
I don't know. Something about a donkey - it's a stupid American phrase.

LORELAI
I don't understand, Michel. You and your mother seem to have the perfect relationship.

MICHEL
Yes, because I tell her nothing. We keep all subjects light and fluffy. We talk about clothes and food and Posh Spice and David Beckham and that is all. Nothing of value, nothing of substance.

LORELAI
I'm sorry.

MICHEL
Now she knows I've been hiding something from her. Suddenly she's asking questions. Why did I leave France at eighteen? Where do I go at night? Who are my friends? What do they do? Where do they live? Why have I chosen this career? On and on and on and on - it never ends! I can't stand it, she's a complete pain. She won't stop. I took a six hour bath last night just to escape the incessant nagging. You did this to me! You turned my Giselle into a mother, and I hate you for it! I hate you very, very much!

He leaves.

SOOKIE
So, feel better now?

LORELAI
Yeah, I do, thanks.

SOOKIE
Mm-hmm.

CUT TO:

INT. HARTFORD: CHILTON, AUDITORIUM - DAY

All of the student's projects are displayed on tables throughout the auditorium.

PARIS
Okay, I swept the room and I have to tell you, all sad. I think we're a lock.

RORY
Really? I actually thought the locker alarm was pretty good.

PARIS
Please, no one even looks when a car alarm goes off. How effective do you think a locker alarm‘s going to be? Nope, I feel it, we are it.

Richard walks up to Rory and Paris.

PARIS
(to Richard)
What's the word?

RICHARD
Every single idea in this room is completely worthless.

PARIS
Yes.

RICHARD
There's a lot of wasted cardboard in here, my friend.

PARIS
We are going to win.

RICHARD
Yes, we are.

RORY
Okay, the two of you need to take a time out.

Headmaster Charlston walks up to them.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
Richard? Richard, hello.

RICHARD
Hanlin, good to see you.

They shake hands.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
What are you doing here?

RICHARD
Well, I'm actually advising Rory on her business project - the RX-2002.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
Oh, well, that's wonderful. You look great.

RICHARD
I feel great.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
We don't see you at the club that much anymore.

RICHARD
No, I've been very busy lately.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
Now, did I hear correctly - did you retire?

RICHARD
Right before Christmas.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
So it's true. I told it to Bitty and I couldn't believe it when we heard that.

RICHARD
Well, a man can't work forever.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
No, that's true. I just can't picture you retired.

RICHARD
It's been wonderful lately. Best move I've ever made. It's given me a lot of time to do a lot of wonderful things.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
Well, that does sound nice. What kinds of things are you doing?

RICHARD
Well, this.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
Well, there you go. Unfortunately, some of us aren't living the good life quite yet. I've got to get back. It's been wonderful seeing you, Richard. Let's have dinner soon.

RICHARD
I would like that very much.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
I'll have Bitty give Em a call.

RICHARD
You do that.

Headmaster Charlston leaves.

PARIS
(to Rory)
Did you see the brilliant hose hook idea over at table five? A hook on your belt for your garden hose. There's a Buster Keaton routine waiting to happen.

RICHARD
So how are we doing?

RORY
Paris is practicing spiking the football then doing a backflip.

RICHARD
Well.

Headmaster Charlston starts adressing everyone from the podium. 

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, all the projects have now been reviewed.

PARIS
Here we go.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
And before we announce the winner, I must commend everyone for their fine work. There are many, many good ideas here today. It makes me proud.

PARIS
Move it along, padre.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
Now I'd like to announce the winner - table 10, Miss Traister's class with the locker alarm.

RICHARD
I don't understand, how is that possible?

PARIS
This is so lame. That alarm doesn't even work, I was just over there.

RICHARD
This is the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard.

RORY
Grandpa, it doesn't matter.

RICHARD
It certainly does matter. You've all put in an extraordinary amount of time and effort and thought into this project. It deserved to win.

PARIS
Yeah.

RORY
Well, I wanted to win too, but we didn't.

RICHARD
I'm going to talk to the headmaster about this.

RORY
I wish you wouldn't.

RICHARD
You were robbed, Rory, and I'm not going to sit back and simply watch it happen.

Richard walks over to Headmaster Charlston.

RICHARD
Hanlin, good, I want a word with you.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
Is something wrong?

RICHARD
This contest is a disgrace.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
I beg your pardon?

RICHARD
I have been in the business world for thirty-five years.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
I know this.

RICHARD
And in those thirty-five years, I've seen ideas come and I've seen ideas go, and I've learned a few things about what flies and what doesn't.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
I'm sure you have.

RICHARD
I am telling you that out there in the real world, there is no way that a locker alarm that doesn't even work properly would be a viable business investment.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
Richard, we're not in the real world, we are in a school.

RICHARD
Yes, a school that should be training children for the real world.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
Richard, calm down.

RICHARD
I demand a recount.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
Very well. I just recounted, the alarm still wins.

RICHARD
Hanlin!

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
Richard, your project was very good. It was definitely in the running. You should be proud.

RICHARD
This is not my project, this is their project, the children's project.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
Really?

RICHARD
Yes! This has nothing to do with me, it's for the children!

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
But they're not the ones who are causing the public scene right now, you are.

Richard walks off.

CUT TO:

EXT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, DRIVEWAY - NIGHT

Lorelai and Rory pull up and walk to the front door.

RORY
It was awful. He looked so upset. His face was turning red and he was practically shaking.

LORELAI
Hey, did you notice when he gets mad he gets taller?

RORY
Mom.

LORELAI
I don't know how he does it but he actually grows.

RORY
Stop.

LORELAI
The day I told him I was pregnant, twenty-four feet tall. It freaked the birds.

RORY
Hey, I'm upset here.

They stop at:

EXT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, FRONT DOOR - NIGHT

LORELAI
Honey, you did nothing. You went to your grandfather, who you greatly admire and actually like hanging out with, to ask for his help and advice. That's lovely and thoughtful.

Lorelai rings the doorbell.

RORY
Please help me out tonight - no mention of work or Chilton or school or retirement.

LORELAI
Nothing but politics and religion, got it.

Emily opens the door.

EMILY
Hello girls.

LORELAI
Hi Mom.

RORY
Hi Grandma.

EMILY
Come in, come in.

They walk into:

INT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, FOYER - NIGHT

EMILY
Dinner's almost ready.
(calling to Richard)
Richard, the girls are here. Richard? 
(to Lorelai and Rory)
He came home today, didn't say a word, stomped off to his study, slammed the door, and he's been holed up in there ever since.

They walk into:

INT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

RORY
Really?

EMILY
I can't even get him to answer me.

LORELAI
Well, are you sure he's still in there?

EMILY
Of course he's still in there. The door's right there. I would've seen if he came out.

They sit down.

LORELAI
Sorry.

EMILY
Not everyone leaves this house by climbing out the window and jumping into a waiting hot rod.

RORY
Maybe someone should go talk to him.

EMILY
I don't know what to do. What on earth happened today?

RORY
Things didn't go very well at the business fair.

EMILY
What happened?

LORELAI
It was terrible - the tenth graders staged a hostile takeover of the eleventh graders.

RORY
Our project didn't win and Grandpa took it badly.

EMILY
Well, I am at my wit's end if that man is going to fall apart over a high school project.

LORELAI
It's just a weird time for him, Mom.

RORY
I feel so awful.

LORELAI
Maybe he should go talk to somebody.

EMILY
Like whom?

LORELAI
Like a psychiatrist?

EMILY
What?

LORELAI
Well, maybe it would help.

EMILY
We do not go to psychiatrists.

LORELAI
Mom, there's nothing wrong with getting help.

EMILY
Lorelai Gilmore, are you seriously suggesting that your father go to a complete stranger and talk about his personal life?

LORELAI
Lots of people swear by it.

EMILY
Yes, disturbed people, deviants, people with multiple personalities who see things and hear dogs talking to them and roam the streets talking to themselves and licking parking meters.

LORELAI
Mom.

EMILY
Next thing you know, you'll be suggesting I go to a psychiatrist.

LORELAI
(to Rory)
Too many comebacks - I cannot pick.

They hear the door closing.

EMILY
Richard, is that you?

Richard walks in.

RICHARD
Of course it's me.

Emily, Lorelai and Rory walk up to him.

RICHARD
Oh Rory, you're here, wonderful. Hello Lorelai.

LORELAI
Hey.

RICHARD
Well, I am starving. What's for dinner?

EMILY
What's for dinner? What do you mean, what's for dinner?

They all walk into:

INT. HARTFORD: ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE, DINING ROOM - NIGHT

RICHARD
Well, I thought the question was relatively clear, but I'd be glad to rephrase it for you. Eh, what sort of food products will appear on various plates this evening?

They sit down at the dining table.

EMILY
Richard Gilmore, you come home in a huff and you lock yourself in that study all afternoon...

RICHARD
Well, I had a lot of thinking to do, a lot of thinking.
(to Rory)
I owe that to you young lady.

RORY
I'm sorry.

RICHARD
You should certainly not be sorry.

Richard takes a roll from the table.

EMILY
Richard, what - put that roll down and explain yourself!

RICHARD
This whole week, this whole experience with Rory and the locker first aid kit--
(to Rory)
that is a damn good idea, by the way, no matter what those yarnheads at that school of yours say.
(to everyone)
Anyway, this whole week made me realize something - I don't want to be retired.

EMILY
You what?

RICHARD
I don't like it. I hate it, as a matter of fact.

LORELAI
But Dad--

RICHARD
It's boring. I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself. And frankly, I am tired of trying to find something to fill up my time.

RORY
So what are you going to do?

RICHARD
I am going to work.

EMILY
Are you thinking about asking for your job back?

RICHARD
Oh, God no! No, no, no, no, no, no. I have decided to go into business for myself.

LORELAI
Wow.

EMILY
What?

RORY
Cool.

RICHARD
It is cool, isn't it?

EMILY
But what are you going to do?

RICHARD
Well, I'm not sure yet. Perhaps I'll consult, maybe take on a partner. Maybe I'll even teach.

LORELAI
What?

RICHARD
Well, you don't have to say it like that.

LORELAI
Sorry.
(in a different voice)
What?

RICHARD
I think thirty five years of experience will qualify me to teach a course or two at that local business college of yours.

LORELAI
Oh my God. It's Who's the Boss, the later years.

EMILY
Richard, are you serious about this?

RICHARD
As a heart attack.

EMILY
But, but--

RICHARD
I haven't felt this good in a very long time, Emily. I have the buzz, and I owe it all -
(to Rory)
to you.

RORY
Glad to be of service.

EMILY
He's going to teach.

LORELAI
Or consult.

EMILY
Or consult.

LORELAI
So licking a parking meter is just around the corner.

CUT TO:

EXT. ROAD - DAY

Lorelai and Rory are driving home in the jeep.

LORELAI
Okay, that dinner was good.

RORY
All of Grandma's dinners are good.

LORELAI
I know, but this one had the rolls.

RORY
Aw, those were excellent rolls.

LORELAI
Weren't they? Hot and buttery with that split top thing going on. I miss the rolls.

RORY
Well, she can make more next week.

LORELAI
That's okay. I got four in my purse.

RORY
You do not.

LORELAI
Go ahead and check.

Rory looks. She holds up a roll.

RORY
Have you no shame?

LORELAI
Ha!

Rory's pager goes off.

LORELAI
Ah, who's that?

RORY
It's Dean.

LORELAI
Really? How many pages does that make for today?

RORY
Just one.

LORELAI
You're kidding.

RORY
In two days.

LORELAI
Wow!

RORY
I know. He hasn't called or mysteriously appeared by my side or anything.

LORELAI
Hmm, maybe he's calming down.

RORY
I hope so. I actually got a chance to miss him today.

LORELAI
That sounds good.

RORY
It is good.

LORELAI
Do you wanna grab my cell phone and give him a call?

RORY
Oh, no, tomorrow's fine.

LORELAI
Are you sure? It's still early. You guys could hook up for a little while.

RORY
I'm hanging out with Lane tonight.

LORELAI
Lane?

RORY
Yeah, we have some serious CD listening to do. We're way behind on all the Elvis Costello reissues coming out.

LORELAI
I didn't think Lane could hang out past nine.

RORY
Her mom's at an antique fair in Woodbury until Sunday, and her grandmother's staying with her but she's asleep by six so we thought we'd be really bad and sneak out to Luke's.

LORELAI
You're going to Luke's?

RORY
Yeah, maybe.

LORELAI
Honey, why go to Luke's? Um, I mean, you just had ten rolls.

RORY
No, you had ten rolls, and I don't even know if we'll go to Luke's. It's just a maybe.

LORELAI
Okay, okay. Well, you guys have fun.

CUT TO:

EXT. STARS HOLLOW: KIM HOUSE - NIGHT

They pull up to Lane's house.

RORY
Okay, see you later.

LORELAI
Sure you don't wanna call Dean?

RORY
Nope, tomorrow's fine.

LORELAI
Yeah, tomorrow's fine.

Rory gets out of the car.

CUT TO:

EXT. STARS HOLLOW: LORELAI'S HOUSE, FRONT YARD - NIGHT

Lorelai pulls up in the Jeep. She gets out and walks up to the house where she find Dean sitting on the front porch steps.

LORELAI
Dean.

DEAN
She likes Jess, doesn't she?

Lorelai doesn't respond. Dean walks away.

>_END OF SHOW_<